POP ZEN

THE BLUEGREEN ANALOGY

2005-07-17T13:31:00.000+08:00

My 121st post. Goodbye.

Visit me here.

Sige- Makikigulo na rin Ako

2005-07-10T22:06:00.000+08:00

Nagpapress con si Susan Roces at tinawag na arogante, mayabang at kung anu-ano ang pangulo ng republika dahil sa Gloriagate Case.

Nagbitaw na ng pahayag si Tita Cory tungkol sa pamumuno ni GMA. Tumalikod na rin si Yellow Lady sa ating Hobbit President.

Umalis na sa posisyon ang 10 miyembro ng gabinete. Kabilang na dito si Ex-DSWD Secretary, Dinky Soliman na mistulang sarimanok sa paningin ko dahil sa kanyang buhok.

Di magkamayaw ang masang Pilipino sa pamumuno ng United (kuno) Opposition sa pag-isip ng mga paraan para patalsikin si Glo-Mac.

Pati ang Catholic Bishops Conference of the Philippines o CBCP ay binasag na rin ang kanilang pananahimik at nagbigay ng mensaheng hindi naman nila pinapagresign si GMA pero tulad nga ng karamihang nabigay na statement ng mga kolehiyo at unibersidad ng bansa, dapat ngang sundin ni GMA ang sinasaad ng batas. Kung ano man yun.

Panahon na rin malamang para ibigay ko ang aking saloobin hinggil sa isyu na ito.

Sa totoo lang, para sa akin, hindi pagreresign ni Glo-Mac ang solusyon sa problema ng Pilipinas. Dapat imbitahin natin ang mga timang na miyembro ng oposisyon na magparty sa Manila Hotel at pasabugin natin ito pag nandun na silang lahat. Isama na rin natin doon sa party si Kristine Hermosa, Diether Ocampo at lahat ng kinakairitahan ko sa showbiz.

Kung sakaling may makatakas man sa kanila at magawang ialis sa pagkakaluklok si Gloria, utang na loob. Payag ako kung si Ping ang maging presidente. Payag pa rin ako kung si Gordon. Pero uTANG na loob wag na si Erap... at lalo na si Susan Roces. Makiki-rally ako kung yun ang maging presidente.

Ayoko maging pinakamakapangyarihang tao si Manang Inday dito. Nakakapangilabot. Nakakapanindig balahibo. Para bang magugunaw ang mundo ng milyon-milyong Pilipino. Hindi dahil siya ang asawa ni FPJ.

Dahil pamangkin niya si Sheryl Cruz.

An SMS from this guy with a common name

2005-07-09T12:25:00.000+08:00

SE K700i message alert tone 6
Check cell phone

Hi Iya. This is Paul (not his real name but as common as that). Remember me?
No. (I know like a hundred Pauls.) Paul who?
-State surname here-
Ahhh yeah I remember you. Who gave you my number? (You should have said 'I'm Paul the PBL hottie.')
Blah blah gave me your number. How have you been?

Okay. Fess up. Who gave him my number? I need to thank whoever that person is. And put his life on rapid decline afterwards.

Review in Seven Belches - War of The Worlds

2005-07-06T18:58:00.000+08:00

War of the Worlds was directed by Steven Spielberg; written by Josh Friedman and David Koepp, based on the novel by H. G. Wells; released by Paramount Pictures and DreamWorks Pictures. Running time: 117 minutes. This film is rated PG-13.

WITH: Tom Cruise (Ray), Dakota Fanning (Rachel), Justin Chatwin (Robbie), (hmmm Ray, Rachel and Robbie what's up with all the Rs?) Miranda Otto (Mary Ann), and Tim Robbins (Harlan Ogilvy).

Belch 1
The good parts were really good. (Visually stunning! The CGI of Independence Day may be whimpering on a corner now.)

Belch 2
The bad parts were really bad. (It's a novel by H.G. Wells. Double duh. Bitter bloke.)

Belch 3
Spielberg is a genius.

Belch 4
Tom Cruise is a shark. (Look at him side view. Katie Holmes is a plankton. Don't you just hate the TomKat ish?)

(Want another Speielberg-Cruise team up? Go get a copy of Minority Report.)

Belch 5
Dakota Fanning was half darling, half brat.

Belch 6
Tim Robbins is a wuss.

Belch 7
Newsflash: The Martians aren't red.

Happy Box

2005-07-05T23:00:00.000+08:00

Silver elephant on the cover
Cambodian silver
Empty
Casting a thin shadow against the cold, thick wall

I will fill you up soon
With what he told me,
Where I saw him
What I plan to tell him
and where I want him to take me
and consume me

For now
Dazzle and be cold
I will open you just before the rain ends

Ngarag

2005-07-04T15:23:00.000+08:00

My weekdays became my weekends.

Not only do I have a weird sleeping habit, I had to acquire a weird pattern of surviving my week, too. Thank you, practicum for not failing to torture me since May started. Fuck the hell out of you, practicum.

I missed an episode of Desperate Housewives because of you.
I had to go to school on a Sunday (yes on a Sunday for crying out loud) just to endure a 12 hour seminar because of you.
I had to double my intake of alcohol to give me the happy delusions in my drunk state where I may not care that much about you.

Fuck you lots. Fuck you loads.

But thank you once that you're "entertaining" me enough to somehow keep him off my mind just a bit.

Classic Small Talk (according to BT)

2005-07-01T11:42:00.000+08:00

b---_t----- (9:11:34 PM): musta biyahe?
iyaiyayow02 (9:11:55 PM): okay naman!
iyaiyayow02 (9:09:54 PM): is it raining there?
b---_t----- (9:10:46 PM): nope..well not yet. hehe.
b---_t-----(9:10:52 PM): teka, natawa ako ah
b---_t----- (9:10:58 PM): hahahahha
b---_t----- (9:11:01 PM): ...classic small talk eh..
b---_t----- (9:11:07 PM): tungkol sa WEATHER! hehehe
iyaiyayow02 (9:11:18 PM): ayyy pasensya na. gusto ko talaga malaman! sincere ako pag nagtanong ako sa weather.
b---_t----- (9:11:27 PM): hahaha
b---_t----- (9:11:34 PM): biro lang
iyaiyayow02 (9:11:55 PM): nde abt weather "classic" chit chat ko eh
iyaiyayow02 (9:11:57 PM): mwahahaha
b---_t----- (9:12:21 PM): so ano?
iyaiyayow02 (9:14:21 PM): ayyy ayoko sabihin
b---_t----- (9:15:17 PM): sige na nga. sorry. hehe
iyaiyayow02 (9:16:16 PM): sige sabi mo eh
iyaiyayow02 (9:16:26 PM): ahhhh alam ko na kung ano isa sa classic convo topics
iyaiyayow02 (9:16:30 PM): ISAW
iyaiyayow02 (9:16:42 PM): pero since sinabi ko na sayo, nde na kita tatanungin
b---_t----- (9:17:14 PM): hahaha
b---_t----- (9:17:32 PM): patulan natin para masaya
b---_t----- (9:17:33 PM): ay isaw?? ang sarap nun
b---_t----- (9:17:33 PM): lalo na yung sa UP
iyaiyayow02 (9:17:48 PM): sige. patulan. your fault ha. haha
iyaiyayow02 (9:17:58 PM): shempre. mas masarap yung sa ilang rather than kalayaan
iyaiyayow02 (9:18:17 PM): doble rin yata price nung sa ilang
b---_t----- (9:18:54 PM): o tangina pang hardcore isawera na yan

Slow Motion Suicide

2005-06-30T11:09:00.000+08:00

Slow Motion Suicide
Aligue rice and chicken skin from Bacolod Chicken House

GIO - PART 1

2005-06-24T00:27:00.000+08:00

Tall, dark and handsome. That's how my friends saw my first love.

How I saw him? Tall, dark and ... sexy. He had this "angas" look softened by a dimple on his left cheek. Even if I left the handsome part off the cliche, I can't deny the fact that 3 years short of a decade ago, in my eyes, he was the only perfect being I considered.

How I loved him.
I loved him in the only way I knew how. All out. With all passion squeezed from life, with all intimacy my youth understood, without the taint of physical doubts, soul-baring, almost celestial...

Even with my innocent, naive or even gullible facade of a 16 year old, I knew then that for the very first time, I was in love.

I was an addict for him. Through my hypnotized eyes caught in the magic of the first battery of irregular heartbeat, I looked at him and saw that-

He was stellar.

BATMAN HAS BEGUN (not a movie review)

2005-06-18T13:16:00.000+08:00

(An Attempted Ode to My Bruce)

The mere mention of your would-be tainted name makes me
devious, acrimonious, bitter,
rancorous, resentful, contemptuous,
deprecating, disdainful, opprobrious,
scornful, snide, inimical,
acrid,
scathing,
venomous...

Yet the slightest touch of your hand on my skin
and even the accidental, faintest taste of your mouth
causes me to be elevated,
enraptured, exhilarated,
overjoyed, transported,
excited, inspired, stimulated, uplifted, delighted,
gladdened,
gratified...

Am I hung up?
Obsessed, foolish, silly or wild?
Bewitched, captivated, charmed, enchanted, entranced, fascinated
enthralled by you?

THE BALLER'S BETTER HALF

2005-06-13T17:03:00.000+08:00

Tara mga bata! Samahan niyo ang Teacher Iya niyo na kumanta!

Alin, alin alin ang naiba. Isipin kung alin ang naiba. Isiping mabuti. Isipin kung alin. Isipin kung alin ang naiba!

Pasig Sports Center: PBL Semifinals (L-R Iya, Rona, IC, Pam, Aiza, Che and Shela)

Teacher Iya: tignan ang picture. Sabihin kung alin ang naiba!
Kids: Si Ate IC po ba?
Teacher Iya: Mali! GF siya ni Smyl Junio!
Kids: Si Ate Pam po ba?
Teacher Iya: Mali pa rin! GF siya ni Leo Najorda!
Kids: Si Ate Aiza po ba?
Teacher Iya: Mali na naman! GF siya ni Chris Guevarra!
Kids: Si Ate Che po ba?
Teacher Iya: Mga inutil! GF siya ni Ryan Dy!
Kids: Si Ate Shela po ba?
Teacher Iya: Suko na ako sa inyo! GF siya ni JA Coching!
Kids: Siguro po kayo ang sagot noh?
Teacher Iya: Hay nako buti na lang katabi ko si Rona! Mia, Mhilie nasaan kayo?
Kids: Eh kasi po yung sa inyo nasa kabilang team eh!
Teacher Iya: Ahhh shut up. Tahiin ko kaya mga bibig niyo!

DINNER? SUPPER?

2005-06-12T21:33:00.000+08:00

Last Friday evening I had a predicament on how to address the Chef Donatello meal of chicken, pasta and pizza I was then eating.

Was it dinner or supper?

Of course, I would call it dinner. But what is supper?

According to the dictionary, it is a light meal served late in the evening. Whereas dinner is a formal feast or banquet. So, I take it that supper is the politically correct term to use for my Chef Donatello meal (which by the way sucked. Do not go there.). That is so out of odd. I am going to eat supper. Mama is supper ready yet? I sound like an English bloke.

Another English concern addressed there. Here are 2 more:

Crap
The story is that one of the guys that invented the toilet was named Crapper, and people used to refer to going to the bathroom as "using the crapper," which of course eventually evolved to "taking a crap," with crap meaning excreting bodily wastes, hence feces became "crap."

John Crapper's legacy... his name immortalized as shit.

Eeny, Meany, Miney, Moe
Instead, the rhyme is simply a nonsense rhyme. The words eeny, meany, miney, moe have no intrinsic meaning. The rhyme was not recorded until the mid 19th century, with that early version using the words eeny, meeny, moany, mite. Another version, begins, Hana, mana, mona, mike.

Haha, mana, mona, mike
Haha, mana, mona, mike
Haha, mana, mona, mike

Imagine choosing, pointing and singing that. You would look as if you were trying to summon some kindred spirit.

THERE'S NO J. THERE'S ONLY U.

2005-06-10T12:53:00.000+08:00

I'm beginning to miss you bastard. And I'm missing the confidence of knowing that you're missing me, too.

FETE DE LA MUSIQUE 2005

2005-06-06T10:24:00.000+08:00

Date: June 18, 2005 Saturday 4pm onwards
Venue: El Pueblo, Ortigas Center
Sponsored by: Alliance Francaise de Manille

Fete de la Musique is now a much-awaited annual international music festival. It started in France in 1982 - an idea of former French Minister of Culture Jack Lang. The objective was pretty simple - to celebrate the upcoming of Summer by inviting musicians, amateurs and professionals, to perform for free in public places like parks, streets, railway stations, museums, and so on. This idea soon became very popular, and thanks to our cultural network of French Embassies, French Cultural Centers and Alliance Franaises, Fte de la Musique is now celebrate in more than 120 different countries. All these musicians playing simultaneously on the same day, in so many different places, certainly makes it the biggest multi-cultural festival in the world.

=====================================

Main Stage - World / Reggae / Ska
In between Chateau and the former Tequila Joe's

Brownbeat All-Stars
Butong Pakwan
Cynthia Alexander
Hemp Republic
Indio I
Kadangyan
Loquy
Makiling Ensemble
Pinikpikan
Sing India
Radioactive Sago Project
Reggae Mistress
SPY

=====================================

Outdoor Stage - Rock
in front of Rack's

Boldstar
SPY
Boy Elroy
Chicosci
Ciudad
Cog
Death by Tampon
Dicta License
DRT
Greyhoundz
Happy Meals
Hellbender
Imago
Itchyworms
Join the Club
Kapatid
Kinetic Daze
Kinky Hooters
Kjwan
Monkeyspank
Plane Divides the Sky
Razorback
Rugis
Sandwich
Shards of Ice
Silent Sanctuary
Sique
Sugarfree
Taggu nDios
Twisted Halo
Typecast
Zoom Zoom Lunacy

=====================================

Podium - Alternative
front driveway

Ang Bandang Shirley
Barbie's Cradle
Bobby Parks Movement
Bridge
Dale Ibay
Dirty Kitchen
Hale
Isha
Kitchie Nadal
Mayonnaise
Milk 'N Money
Mojofly
Mush Carnival
Olympic Smoker
Narda
Nityalila
Paramita
Pinoy Stories
Pinwheel
Rocksteady
Session Road
Severo
Sheila and the Insects
Splitcide
Spongecola
Stonefree
Sundown Muse
The Brockas
The Late Isabel
Up Dharma Down
Zarah Smith

=====================================

Sidebar - Blues

Bluesviminda
Daniel Crisologo Band
Freeway Jam
Huka
Mr. Crayon
Sammy Asuncion
Taglay Sinag
The Jerks

=====================================

Friends Bar & Resto - Hip-Hop, R&B

7 Shots of Wisdom
Haylo
Mike Swift
Pikaso
Sun Valley Crew
Turbulence

=====================================

Pasto - Electronica

Bagetsafonik
Chox
Daydream Cycle
Dayuhan
Drip
Flipperbaby
Ixiz
Makkina
Moon Fear Moon
Morse
Names are for Tombstones
Neon8
One Lone Clone
Rubber Inc
Silverfilter
Trip M
Wolfmann

-----

SEE YOU THERE!

LIFE AFTER RED AND WHITE

2005-06-04T23:09:00.000+08:00

Last year, makikita mo ako sa games nila. Sinong nila? Yung mga naka-red and white dun sa lugar na laging may rally. Nanonood lang ako ng games nila, pero hindi ako makacheer. Sayang naman yung cheerleading experience ko nung undergrad. Pero malay. Hindi ako maka-cheer. Pero deep inside, nagsusumigaw ako ng "Go, baby, go go!" kapag pinapasok na siya ni Coach sa laro.

Pag natatalo sila, nandun lang ako. Suporta sa kanya. Hindi man niya ako cheerleader sa game. Counselor at masahista naman niya ako after. Pag panalo sila, derecho foodtrip na kami. Drinking session rin. "Cheers para sa nalalapit mong PBA career, baby!"

Pero dati yun. Tapos na. Wala na. Yata.

I thought I'd leave the gruesome world of basketball behind so I can leave his world, too. Afterall, I am not that into the sport. Or any sport for that matter! Self-proclaimed lampa ako sa ganyang mga bagay! For the life of me, I can't even tell you what travelling is, or what the story is behind free throws. Alam ko lang pag nakashoot at kung cute ang player.

Dapat talaga, magconcentrate na lang ako sa nalalapit na practicum ko. Dapat siya pabayaan ko na lang maging baller in and out of the court. And oh yes, goodbye basketball!

And then, I met IC and Mia. Then Rona, Shel, Aiza, Say, Che and Abby... before I knew it, I was again behind the bench of ballers clad in red and white. Welcoat. This time, I can cheer my lungs out for men I do not even really know. For men that do not even have the faintest idea that I am trying to get myself free from someone like them. I now cheer for men who cannot see beyond the energy in my eyes.

I do not understand why I'm cheering for them when I have never cheered for him. I cannot comprehend why I am exerting double the effort for Welcoat when I barely lifted a finger for his games.

Maybe I am now watching because of the game and not the player. Maybe this is the life after red and white.

Another red and white life set in a different game.

Hindi na ako ngayon tagasuporta. Hindi na rin ako ngayon masahista. Cheerleader na lang ako. Pero bakit parang hindi ako kontento?

Ah ewan. At least alam ko na ngayon ang ibig sabihin ng travelling.

---

WAKE UP, ST. BENILDE! GO WELCOAT! FIGHT!

DO NOT EAT

2005-06-03T00:09:00.000+08:00

Every day, the media reports on yet another food that's potentially hazardous to your health. Any day now, you can expect to hear that water causes cancer. So what can you eat? Nothing it seems – at least if you listen to the dozens of self-proclaimed experts who have compiled lists of "bad food." Supposedly unhealthy foods with links to sites that can explain why they're going to eventually kill you:

Let's start with vegetable oil, flour, white rice, sugar, dairy products. But don't forget about fried shrimp, clams, oysters, aligue, and lobsters. Milk and all milk-related products are no-nos, of course. French fries are out of the question, as is pizza. Both regular coffee and "filtered" coffee can be deadly. Then there's that killer of killers: corn. Naturally, all forms of meat are out of the question. But fake meat is off-limits, too. Some obvious items: hydrogenated fats, MSG, nitrates, alcohol, raw oysters, saturated animal fats, soda, potato chips and liquid meals. Thought soy and soy-related products were healthy alternatives? Think again. And who could forget about chicken? As for some specific brands, how about Quaker Oats, Luky Me Nissin cup noodles, Jack and Jill potato chips, Burger King, Hen Lin, Campbell's soups, KFC, McDonald's, Pizza Hut, and Jollibee. Oh, and don't eat anything that's been broiled, fried, or grilled: bad, bad, bad. Finally, don't forget about that silent killer that grows on trees: fruit.

So what's left? We have no clue. (Oh, in case you were wondering, it turns out that water is bad for you after all.) Your choices: either begin a David Blaine-like fast or accept your doomed fate, order in some greasy cheeseburgers and pick up a big bottle of booze. Drunk and stuffed with artery-clogging grease, at least you'll enjoy your final days on this earth.

HAPPY JUNE 1! OR SO I THOUGHT.

2005-06-01T14:23:00.000+08:00

It's already June. I usually start every month rushing to the nearest magazine store to buy the latest Cosmo and paying my monthly rent but this time it's different.

I had a hard time making zzzzzs at the first midnight of June because I had a sort-of long talk with my groupmate and he broke the most hideous news I have heard in my whole academic life. He's giving you an INC, Iya.

INC. Incomplete. For the first time in my life as a responsible (and ahem, smart student), a stupid sonuvabitch gave me an INC. Where have I gone wrong, I thought. The paper was about Organizational Development and for the life of me, I cannot understand how my work was seen as crap. It's a recycled paper, you see. I have already submitted that as a practicum report back in my undergrad years and it faired a 1.75. I edited and submitted it again for a Human Behaviour in an Organization research and it was given a 1.25. My groupmate told consolations such as the professor didn't exactly appreciate students who do not follow his suggested format but he will give a chance to those he didn't approve of and that he has told the professor that I just got out of the hospital and it may be the reason why my paper ended up like that. He can console me until he is blue in the face but I'm still not buying it. Hel-lo bloke. Suggested format. Suggested, bastard. Not required. Where is the academic freedom? I trust my mind so much that even if I was in thick delirium; I know that I can still come up with a satisfactory paper. Nevermind excellence. I am not so rah-rah for the subject. At least, I know that I can still make a damn good research piece.

But what am I to do? It's June 1 and the grades have been submitted yesterday. It's not like i can change those three letters to a 1.00. And yes, I can bitch all day about this first time in my life but tonight I know, as I am walking around the acad oval, I'm going to take a deep breath and think of mofucken ways to improve my OD paper instead of thinking of creative ways to push my prof into the crater of an active volcano.

I'm going to buy Cosmo's June ish later. When I get home, I'll put it on top of my table and only read it as soon as I write and finish my OD paper and take care of my INC grade AND in between do one or two incantations against the bastard prof.

IT'S NOT YOU; IT'S ME AND OTHER BULLSHIT LINES

2005-05-31T00:05:00.000+08:00

I was listening to my pirated Nina cd on my way back home (errr, hello Chairman Edu Manzano!) and I remembered over-used break up lines. while Nina was trying to reach Celine Dion's I Love You, Goodbye oh-so-high notes.

Here are a few break up lines translated:

1. It's not you. It's me.
(It's not me. It's you.)

2. I need space.
(Well, anywhere is fine no matter how densely populated the region is, as long as you're not there.)

3. We're better off as friends.
(We're better off as friends with benefits.)

4. You deserve somebody better.
(I deserve somebody better. Like better, bigger bank account.)

5. Maybe we'll still end up each other someday when we're both stronger and wiser...
(Maybe by the time you're 50 and still single, ugly and graying, you would have forgotten all about me. Thank God.)

And lastly, from I Love You, Goodbye...
Oh I could say that I'll be all you need
But that would be a crime
I know I'd only hurt youI know
I'd only make you cry
I'm not the one you're needing
I love you, goodbye
Oh I don't wanna leave you
Baby it tears me up inside
But I'll never be the one you're needing
I love you, goodbye

BABY, IT'S NEVER GONNA WORK OUT,
I (almost) love(d) you, goodbye...
(No need for further translation, explanation, extrapolation. And for the record, it's the last one I utilized. Sorry, baby. Would you have wanted that I used #4 instead?)

ANTISOCIAL ME

2005-05-30T12:05:00.000+08:00

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid:	Low
Schizoid:	Low
Schizotypal:	Low
Antisocial:	High
Borderline:	Moderate
Histrionic:	High
Narcissistic:	High
Avoidant:	Low
Dependent:	Low
Obsessive-Compulsive:	Moderate
Personality Disorder Test Personality Disorder Information

I'm still in a state of shock. I am antisocial. Help me. Be my friend. Nyarharhar.

FRESH (?) FROM THE HOSPITAL

2005-05-28T11:23:00.000+08:00

Gastritis made another return of the comeback and I'm lucky, yet again, to be out of the hospital only to skip meals day 1 and gorge on foodtripping day 2. What's with food and me? Why can't I just be normal?

Don't be like me. Read on.

Gastritis is an inflammation of the stomach lining or mucosa. The inflammation may be caused by viral infection, alcohol, smoking, certain drugs, poisoned food, or stress. There are many forms of gastritis. Erosive gastritis can lead to significant bleeding of the stomach and ulcerations. Gastritis may be acute or chronic.

It can occur with any major physical stress such as severe illness, surgery or burns, and therefore is referred to as stress-induced gastritis. Medications that are well-known stomach irritants can contribute to gastritis. These include aspirin, nonsteroidal agents such as ibuprofen and pancreatic enzymes. Excessive alcohol ingestion can also cause gastritis and erosions.

Acute gastritis causes vomiting, hairy tongue, thirst, severe stomach pain, and mild fever. Dehydration may occur. Chronic gastritis usually produces few symptoms, although in some cases a person may experience one or more of the following discomforts: mild indigestion; slight nausea; a bloated feeling after a small meal; a bad taste in the mouth; and vague stomach pain.

Acute gastritis improves of its own accord if the precipitating factor or factors are eliminated. Antacid preparations and/or histamine blockers and antinauseant drugs such as Mylanta or Maalox, and Tylenol; don't use Aspirin, are often prescribed. Don't eat solid foods on the first day of the attack, give your stomach a rest and drink liquids only, milk or water are preferred. Add bland foods to your diet slowly and as tolerated (cooked cereals, bananas, rice, potatoes, toast) and avoid greasy, spicy foods.

Chronic gastritis can be treated only by eliminating the causative factor, for example, alcohol, smoking, or highly spiced or other foods that are difficult to digest. Antacid drugs are recommended for the treatment of chronic gastritis.

The classification of gastritis can depend on the region or function, predominantly involved. Gastric atrophy is a condition which is typically characterised by loss of function, namely reduced acid and intrinsic factor secretion. The combination of changes in the mucosa and the greater risk of bacterial colonisation in the stomach from the low acidity both give rise to gastritis, often with Helicobacter colonisation and an increased risk of carcinoma. Lack of production of intrinsic factor can give rise to pernicious anaemia from decreased Vitamin B12 absorption, giving a macrocytic (megaloblastic) anaemia.

http://www.diet-and-health.net/Diseases/Gastritis.html

Huh? Smoking? Drinking? And what the hell is a hairy tongue?

AN ALPHA FEMALE IN MY OWN RIGHT

2005-05-22T23:05:00.000+08:00

Iya: what's an alpha female for you?
Nico: iono.
Nico: haha.
Nico: no such thing
Nico: hahaha
Nico: nde, joke lang
Nico: hmm....
Nico: alpha female
Iya: hahaha pucha ang sama

- - - - -

I have always wanted to be powerful in my own right.

Defiant, unbowing. I may cry yes, but not because it hurts, but because it hurts to fight. I do not always know what I want, but I always know what I must want. I believe that I have always acquired things because what I always get what I want. For the past few, I didn't exactly know what I wanted. Hence, I did not get some.

But things are about to change. At least I hope they would.

I know that I cannot catch a star. But I know that I can climb up a hill to be at least a few feet closer -- the thought of it -- just to be closer is enough. I still would want to reach at least one star, though. But for now, just seeing them will suffice- even just in peripheral vision.

I feel that the ultimate design of my being regardless of how the world turns and how drops of rain mercilessly pound my face -- these are nothing! My power is not being the yin, but becauseI can turn the yang. And I must push on becauseI know that I cannot afford being intoxicated by simply fulfilling my mortal desires -- I have a spirit to quench as well! And it is this center by which I must tap in order to be at peace with myself, with my world, and with my God.

This powerful woman, a pair of eyes you see when we go out over a cup of coffee, or the eyes that beckon for you to come and look and ask if what I'm doing on my computer is right, or the eyes that is not afraid when you look back ... is what I would wish for you to look at forever and more.

SA GITNA NG PAG-IBIG AT PAGKAKAIBIGAN

2005-05-21T21:55:00.000+08:00

LISTENING TO : DMB - SAY GOODBYE
MIND STATE : CONFUSED
HEART STATE : HAPPY

I made this for Donne a couple of months ago. Hah. The product preceded the inspiration.

Sa gitna ng pag-ibig at pagkakaibigan
Naghahalo ang kilig at pangamba...

Kapag sinabi ko na ba, mamahalin rin niya ako?
Kapag sinabi ko na ba, siya ay lalayo?
Mas mabuti bang hawakan ko na lang ang kanyang kamay
O mangahas na ba akong halikan ang kanyang mga labi?
Tama bang sabihing "Nandito lang ako sa tabi mo,"
O mangako na "Hinding-hindi kita iiwan"
Ano ba ang handa na siyang marinig?
"Masaya ako na nasa buhay kita,"
O "Ikaw ang buhay ko"
Ano ba ang mas madaling gawin
Itago na lang ang nararamdaman at magkunwari na hanggang dito na lang,
O isugal ang pagkakataon, umamin ng pag-ibig pero paglisan n'ya ang kabayaran
Ipagdarasal ko ba na ako ay mahalin n'ya rin,
O hilingin sa langit na pag-big ko sa kanya ay bawiin

Nais ko nang maalis sa gitna ng pag-ibig at pagkakaibigan.

THOMAS PERCIVAL S. BAL.... HAHA TIPPY NA LANG!

2005-05-15T20:57:00.000+08:00

A couple of months ago, I had the biggest scare of my life. A scare that ended up to be a complete figment of my paranoia. A scare that resulted into my search for the perfect Tippy.

Tippy. Are you wondering who Tippy is? Tippy is from T.P. T.P., from Thomas Percival (paternal names). Tippy can also be called Tommy or Percy. He is the ex-future sibling of Margaruite Helene (maternal names), who can also be called Marga or Haley. Tippy is my ex-future scare, as well as Marga. Hahahaha I know you are now either steaming hot with confusion or coldly pissed and wanting to kick me out of my weirdness. Ask a man named Marvin if you want to be enlightened. That is, if he has the balls to explain these things to you.

So, I want a Tippy. A cute, cuddly puppy that can be cared for by his Dada, since I can't have Tippy here at home. Dachi, my schizophrenic chihuahua is now at my father's factory because my mother doesn't want animals loitering and littering around the house... I wonder why I'm still here. I may not be there for Tippy to change his doggie pampies and feed him with Pedigree (that's his Dada's job), but I can promise him my emotional support.

schizophrenic chiahuahua dachi

sleepy dachi

Oh and I swear that I'm going to raise hell if another uncalled for woman's hand ever lands on my sweet Tippy's furry, little body.

Now, help me find a Tippy even if you don't understand. Please send comments on who you think the cutest puppy is.

beagle & border collie

jack russell 1 & jack russell 2

goldenretriever 1 & goldenretriever 2

pomeranian & lab retriever

Before (or after) you send your comment on who the cutest pup is (you are going to send your comment, yuou are going to send your comment...), you may answer this pop survey from quizilla.

What common breed of dog are you?

I am a malamute.

I'M B.S. MATH.

2005-05-13T00:50:00.000+08:00

I knew it. Stat is going to ruin my summer. No. It has already ruined my summer. Bad that I have to sit my ass through 2:30-5:30 MTW flooded with anova, binomial distributions and z scores and blah blah blah. Talk about psychological noise. Worse that I have to spend ThFSatSun understanding what they are! Wahhhhh! Why am I mathematically challenged? Sabi nila sa'kin sobrang mana ako sa tatay ko. He's an engineer, so bakit B.S. Math ako? Bobo Sa Math!

And I thought that knowing when to use the formula and computations would be the only bitches I'd have to deal with in my Statistics class. Wrong. I would have to make a thesis critique as well. Leche. Hindi ba pwede magcompute na lang? Bakit kailangan ko pa aralin yung mga ginawa ng ibang tao? The hell do I care if Quita Zarate used linear regression on knowing the relationship of job performance and EQ of 45 principals in Quezon City? Gahhhhh!

The fact remains that no matter how hard I loathe Stat, I'd have to accept it as part of life. I'll be making my M.A. thesis in a few months and I can't finish my paper if I don't have enough knowledge how to analyze my variables.

I have to understand Stat. I don't have to love it.

.

PITIK

2005-05-07T20:43:00.000+08:00

Pinipilit ko nang iwasan na ikaw ang maging paksang usapin sa tuwing magkikita kami ng mga kaibigan ko. Napapagod na rin kasi ako sabihin na ayos lang ako. Nakakapagod ring pakinggan at sagutin ang mga tanong nila tungkol sa iyo. Kapag hindi naman kasi ako sumagot, hihiritan pa nila ako na hindi talaga ako okey. Halos makabisado ko na nga mga paulit-ulit na mga katanungang ibinabato sa akin kapag ang kinalaman ay ikaw.

Namimiss mo ba siya?
Oo. Minsan.

Paano kung gusto niya maging kayo na talaga?
Wag na. Not worth it.

Eh paano ka nakasiguro na not worth it?
Hindi ako doubtful magmahal.

So, hindi mo talaga mahal?
Hindi nga.

Paano kung pagsisihan mo yan?
Eh di pagsisihan. Pero sa palagay ko, hindi.

Okay ka lang talaga?
Okay lang talaga.

As in?
Kulit ha.

Yun nga. Makatotohanan naman ang pagsaot ko nga mga tanong nila. Inaamin ko naman na hinahanap-hanap pa rin kita minsan. Mahirap naman kasing talikuran na lang yung mga pinagsamahan natin. Paano ko naman matatanggal lang ng basta-basta yung mga panahong pinaramdam mo sa akin kung paano mabuhay? Bawat halakhak, hagulgol at hikbi tumulong bumuo ng konsepto ng pagkatao ko ngayon. Paano nga naman kita makakalimutan?

Pero hindi dahil sa kahirapan ng paglimot sa iyo ay tama lang na manatili ako sa puwang ko sa daigdig mo. Kailangan ko nang umalis. Umalis na ako. Ilang buwan na rin. Siguro, hanggang lakad lang ang kaya kong gawing paraan ng paglisan.

Pero nagkakaron pa rin ng mga sandali na pumipitik ako.

Nabubulabog pa rin ako paminsan kapag biglang nakikita kitang online sa YM ko at pag sinasabihan ako ng mga kaibigan ko na nakita ka nila. Parang may dumadagan pa rin sa dibdib ko at nahihirapan akong huminga. Hindi ko maipaliwanag kung bakit. Siguro dahil hindi ko maipakita sa iyo ang gusto kong reaksyon na kiligin sa presensya mo o magselos kung may iba kang kasama. Hindi ko rin alam kung yun ang gusto kong ipakitang reaksyon sa iyo. Minsan kasi, iniisip ko pa kung ano ang tama mong makita mula sa akin.

Sinabi mo sa akin dati, nagmamatigas ako, puro utak pinapagana ko. Siguro, huli na ang lahat para palambutin ang puso na pinatigas na ng panahon. Wala na rin naming kakaratnan pa. Maglalakad na lang ako muli. Lalayo sa iyo. Sana, turuan ako ng panahon na tumakbo para mas mabilis kitang maiwaksi.

Sa gayon, kapag nakita kita o marinig man lang, hindi na ako pipitik. Masasabi ko sa aking sarili na okay lang talaga ako. At hindi na ako hahanap ng eksplanasyon.

.

EVERYDAY STATISTICS

2005-05-05T22:26:00.000+08:00

Suppose the Galera 5 (Donne, Joel, Iya, Eunice and Collleen) are swimming (suppose that I can swim, too). If a hungry shark shows up, what is the probability of it eating Donnie and Joel out of the group?

p= 1/5 of eating Donne
p= 1/5 of eating Joel

Mathematical Answer:
1/5 x 1/5 = 1/25 probability
because the probability of the simultaneous or successive occurence of 2 or more independent events is equal to the product of their separate probabilities.

Matter-of-fact Answer:
0 probablity
because the shark would rather eat plankton salad or rotting stingray than suffer indigestion from eating Donnie and Joel.
=)

.

THE LAST MORNING AFTER

2005-04-30T22:28:00.000+08:00

(HIM ON HER)

This is not a storybook romance
It is you sleeping beside me
Eyes closed
Lightly breathing
As I trace my fingers around your chin
And bend to smell your hair
Before planting a kiss on the corner of your mouth
Your lips turn up like a child
Unconsciously telling me you sense my presence
My love engulfs you even in dream state
My love that I never talked about
A picture perfect moment in time
I will never forget
And you will never remember

---------------------------

(HER ON HIM)

The warmth of your skin has awakened me
I did not need to open my eyes
I know you love me
You never needed to tell
Though saying 'I love you, too' need not be
In my gentle breathing
I pray that you think I am still in slumber
I will never forget
I, too shall remember
That this is not a storybook romance
But for a moment I had a prince
And for a moment, I was loved

.

GALERA: PAGBABALIK-TANAW

2005-04-28T21:05:00.000+08:00

Cherry's Ten Years in the Making Chicken Kebab

Grabe. Grabe talaga. Ako yung gutom. Ako ang unang nag-order. Pagkain ko huling dumating. Isip ko, hindi naman Century Egg ang hiningi ko para mag-isip ako kung anong petsa ba darating yung punyetang manok na yun diba. Kung hindi ko lang talaga paborito ang kebab. Pagkatapos ng pagtingin ko ng masama sa lahat ng serbidora sa Cherry's at pagpaparinig at kaprangkahang kainisan, dumating rin ang manok. Ang sarap. Sarap talaga. O sige na nga. Patience is a virtue kunyari.

Bato-batong May Lumot

Kasi naman. Sino ba ang may pakana na magshortcut na lang sa may Tamaraw Resort ba yun. (Bigyan kita ng clue kung sino= Eunice.) Ang saya sana. Wow. Sa dako paroon, puro bato bato nakita ko. Hindi ko naman pinangarap na magrockclimbing sa Mindoro diba. Pero sige lang. Wala nang atrasan ito. Aja! Ano yung green stuff na nakikita ko? At bakit parang nadudulas si Mami Colleen? Waaaahhhh lumot! Kailangan ko pa magtanggal ng slippers ko para makatawid. Sangkaterbang malulutong na mura ang nabitawan ko sa bawat panahong muntikan kong ikadulas at ikalaglag dun. Kailangan ko yata makapagmumog ng holy water.

Hacienda Corazon del Barrio

Pagmamay-ari ito ni Donne. Aliping saguiguilid lamang dito si Ma'am Tina Garcia. Dito kami muna sa Aninuan nanatili noong unang araw namin dahil wala kaming makuhang good deal sa White Beach. Astig dito sa Hacienda Corazon del Barrio. This is where the grass grows wild and the cocks run free.

Mindoro Sling

Isa siyang glorified na gin-pom. Ito ang unang salarin.

Mestiza

Hindi ko alam kung ano meron dito sa inuming ito. Si Colleen nag-order para sa amin. Basta masarap rin ito. Mestiza ang kulay at lasang may Sprite. Ito ang ikalawang salarin.

Extra Challenge : Pasan Ko ang Daigdig

Dahil sa hindi ko mabilang na shots ng Mindoro Sling at Mestiza (pati na rin mga hindi ko kilalang drinks na pinatira sakin nung mga ginugulo kong ibang tao dun), ako ay naging bangenge na. Pati si Joel, Colleen at Eunice. Si Donne lang ang tunay na macho sa aming 5. Pauso ni Joel na magrest muna sa sand bago kami maglakad pauwi. Ewan ko ba kung anong masamang espiritu pumasok sa'kin at gaya-gaya naman ako. Nakihiga rin ako sa sand. Yari. Hindi na nila ako mapabangon. Niyakap na ng alcohol ang sistema ko. Umaambon na. Walang makuhang trike. Kailanagn naming umuwi. Naka-piggybackride ako kay Joel buong time pauwi. Sabi nila, ang bigat ko daw. Siguro pag lasing ako, tumitriple ang bigat ko noh. Hindi ko na maimulat noon ang mga mata ko, naririnig ko na lang sila nag-uusap. Aba, nawala amats ng mga kaibigan ko. Lahat nag-aalala na sa akin. At most of the time, lahat sila ay nage-English. Malay ko kung baket. Tuwing nalalaglag ako sa pagkakapasan ko kay Joel, isa sa kanila ay itutulak ang pwet ko para makasampa ako uli. Nakakatouch diba?

[Eunice] Joel, if you're already tired, put Iya down first.
[Colleen] Yeah Joel, rest first!
[Joel] I'm okay. Kaya ko to. Mahal ko ito eh. Pero Iya, yari ka sa amin bukas!
[Donne] Iya and her big fat ass!

The Instant Big-Brunch at the Hacienda

Nako... paggising ko sa aking pagkalasing, todo gutom na ako. Pag tingin ko sa mga dinala kong baon na Vienna sausages, dried manoes at lengua de gato... nawawala sila. Krukkk Krukkk iyak ng gutom kong sikmura. Lakad lakad... Aba! Si Donne ay nagluluto na sa kusina ng Hacienda! Sigurop day off ni Tina Garcia. Ramdam ko, pati na rin si Eunice, na napaka-inutil namin dahil halos wala kami nagawa sa pagprepare ng pagkain. Puro reklamo pa daw kami. Hehehe. Iyon na yata ang pinakamasarap kong kain ng pansit canton, fried egg, Century tuna, Vienna sausages at rice. The best ang Gourmet Ring of Friendship ni Chef Donne na may garnish pa... sabi ko sa inyo eh. The hacienca is where the grass grows wild...

Power-shopping

Sa tingin ko, hindi talaga ako tunay na babae pagdating sa shopping. Hindi ako makatagal sa palakad-lakad-lakad. Dito ako tinalo ni Joel. Joel, you are the real shopping queen. Pero in fairness, winner ang mga nabili kong shell anklets. Hindi kasya sa ankle ko eh. Pero bagay sila sa wrist ko. Pwede na. Isa pa, pahirapan tumawad doon. Hindi ko pa naman talent ang haggling. Sabi nga nung isang tinderang mukhang mangkukulam, "Puerto Galera po ito, hindi Divisoria." Oo nga naman.

Iskrambol

Inaamin ko, nalungkot ako nung nawawala na si baller sa buhay ko. Isip ko nun, saan pa ako maghahanap ng ice crumble/ice scramble/iskrambol? Yippppeeee! Kadami nito sa galera! May marshmallow, pinipig, gulaman at sago pa! Pwedeng bumili ng worth 10pesos, 15, 20 o 25! Naka 200 pesos rin ako nagastos para lang makaimbak ako ng maraming masasayang memories sa pagkain nitong childhood favorite kong jologs drink.

Mag-ingat sa Tinderang Bingi

Akala namin ni Eunice, nakajackpot kami sa P35.00 na regular lomi sa isang nearby eatery. Ang sarap! marami pang sahog! Walanghiya. Nung bayaran na, sinisingil kami ng tig-P70.00 . Large lomi pala yung binigay sa'min. Kala pa naman namin malaki lang servings nila. Nyahaha. Pero hindi na namin kasalanan yun. Halos tatlong beses rin namin sinabi na regular lomi lang gusto namin. I therefore conclude, kung hindi bingi ang tinderang yun, nagbingi-bingihan sya. Bad sya. Sinamantala n'ya ang kagutuman at posibleng konting kashungaan namin ni Eunice. Sana malunod sya sa parte ng Galera na maraming jellyfish. =(

Paluto ng mga Nagkukuripot

Pansin ko, mas malakas pa ako kumain sa kargador ng pier pag kasama ko mga kaibigan ko. Bakit kaya? Kasi naman. Mga pinaluto nila mga favorite ko, lalo na yung inihaw na talong. Bwahaha. May itlog maalat pa.

The Carter Model

Si Paolo. Gwapo sana ito eh. Dine-dare sya sakin. Shempre ayoko naman. Ako pa eh napaka-shy and quiet person ko nga diba. Aba, kukuha lang ako ng tequila shot sa may bar, may pumulupot na na braso sa akin. Aba. Siya yun. Presko ha. Todo turned-off pa naman ako sa mga aggressive. (Walang stir ito.) Shempre kinailangan pa niya kaming imbitahan sa chuvaness na Carter show na kasama daw siya. Oo na maganda katawan niya. Halos magmukha syang pulutan sa paningin ko nun. Kaso lang busog na ako nun sa chicharon at balot. At nawalan rin ako ng gana sa isa pang sablay sa kanya, isa s'yang baller na naman. Dun na lang siya sa girlfriend n'ya. Pustahan meron.

Gusto kong Maging Negra

Sana balang araw, habang bata pa ako at makapal pa ang mukha kong bumalandra ng naka-skimpy-2-piece, ma-achieve ko naman ang perfect tan. Yung tipong sunbathing time rin sana na walang maggugulo sa akin na magpapanggap na college students daw sila sa CSB, tapos mabubuking ko na highschool kiddies from CSA pala sila. Ano ba ang kamandag ko sa bata? Sana nakaka-tan na lang yun. Para mapakinabangan ko naman diba. Pero hindi.

Atbp.

Madami pa, pero sikreto na lang yung iba. Basta nagtarot reading pa ako dun, nagpainting, nagjogging, 3 Patrick nakita ko dun, nakipag-walang kamatayang pusoy dos, nagpulot ng mga interesanteng bato, may namiss akong isang tao, may ginusto akong lunuring tao...

Alam ko, hindi lahat makakaintindi, pero... manood na lang tayong lahat ng Dude, Where's My Boobs (cameo appearance of the fruit-loop-eating-seal) at sabay-sabay na lang tayo humirit ng... HEWOW!!!

Donne, Eunice, Colleen, Joel... mahal na mahal ko kayo. Alam niyo na yun. Gusto ko lang ulitin.

TARA! NOOD TAYO!

2005-04-16T13:46:00.000+08:00

ICE PRINCESS

This is about skating and nerdy Casey (Michelle Trachtenberg) that has never quite fit in. She gets to have a life-changing opportunity by training for the US National circuit. Kim Cattrall is a disgraced former skating champion who gets to train Casey.

I wonder if she trained skating Samantha-style.

I want to watch this with Donnie. Let's call him Sam-for-short. I mean it. Sam-for-short.

COACH CARTER

Another baller movie. Inspired by true-life story of controversial high-school basketball coach Ken Carter, who received both high praise and staunch criticism when he made national news in 1999 for benching his entire undefeated basketball team for poor academic performance.

Uhmm... I wonder who's the perfect person to watch this with. He he.

A LOT LIKE LOVE

It has Ashton Kutcher and Amanda Peet. The story revolves around how a great romance can ruin a perfectly good friendship. Need I explain more?

I will have my big toe chopped if I don't get to watch this.

.

DON'T TELL ME TO MOVE ON

2005-04-13T13:40:00.000+08:00

It's hard to leave someone that almost consumed your whole being. It's hard to leave when you don't really feel like leaving him yet. You know that you should take hold of what's left of you and value the remaining sanity and dignity of your life and save your pride from total havoc. You know that you're better off without him, though you don't understand how loneliness translates to such.

Forget the usual hours he sends you messages of thoughtfulness and concern. Forget the twelve and a half places you explored. Forget the way he made you laugh and cry and laugh again.

Keep in mind that almost everything that happened concerning your so-called togetherness was held by his intricately woven lies.

Forget that you lied, too- that day you said you do not feel any love for him.

And if you remember, (I am sure you will) just continue moving along. Until you're too far to feel love no more.

...Don't tell me to move on. I'm already moving.

JOINING THE GOOGLISM BANDWAGON

2005-04-10T22:43:00.000+08:00

Googlism.com will find out what Google.com thinks of you, your friends or anything! Search for your name here or for a good laugh check out some of the popular Googlisms.

Here are my favorite lines from the search results. Check out my side comments. Oh you know I can't resist a good comeback. =p

iya is a direct descendant of high priest & priestesses - yea. sure.
iya is used to refuse a suggestion - oooh. i likey!
iya is to establish a network of youth throughout the world who are willing to help work for peace - peace? pull my leg. now.
iya is a hideous looking giant who is always hungry and can eat entire villages at one time - be afraid. be very afraid.
iya is long lived - does google know i smoke like a chimney?
iya is recognised as the representative body for yoga in ireland - like i can freakin flex and smell like clovers.
iya is in need - oh no. not yet.
iya is usually called ba - from now on, call me ba. baaaaaa...
iya is thick and breaks easily - what a nice way of putting it. not.
iya is one of the original members of the first roots and shoots organization that was established in tanzania in 1991 - so i'm tanzanian now.
iya is the mother drum - who's the godddangg father drum then?!
iya is dedicated to providing opportunities for young adults to reach their potential by providing mutual support and encouragement during a time of life - very well said. ano daw uli?
iya is no longer with us - so where am i?
iya is dead for now - that explains why i'm floating... haha
iya is an intriguing and curiously likable character - *blush*
iya is ready to throw a punch - yea. right about now.
iya is not a slut - yayness! bull.
iya is the sacrifice required of every pilgrim to the temple on the festivals - like a virgin sacrifice?
iya is a native of jamaica - ya mann.
iya is and what i believe - awww... are you gonna propose now?
iya is a character from my novel - i bet she's not a slut. nyahaha
iya is a voluptuous blonde; she’s the envy of all women - this is the only real thing in this pile of shit.
iya is the pretty one who won't hold - oh yea. and i'm blonde, baby.
iya is one of the reasons we need you to help us - what are you trying to imply now?

and finally...

iya is a former model trying to escape the pressures of beauty and be taken seriously as a person - i therefore conclude that googlism has a virus.

I AM NOT MY SISTER.

2005-04-09T01:59:00.001+08:00

"Pangit yun. Lahat ng ex nya basketball players? Maliit lang mundo namin. Malabo na s'yang balikan nung ex n'ya. Isipin lang nun, nagalaw na sya nung mga taong nakapaligid sa kanya. Pangit talaga."

When Marv said that after I pointed out who my big sister is; I felt the blood drained from my face, plummeted to my heart and then shot up to my head. I wanted to scream at him. How dare he implied that my sister will never be loved again by her ex because she has already gone around? How could he assume silly and nasty things about someone he doesn't even know?

She's beautiful, smart, caring, kind and loving... Well maybe, not so smart when it came to picking boyfriends- that is if having a baller boyfriend is a stupid move. You tell me.

I am not my sister.

I am not as beautiful, smart, caring, kind and loving as she is, but I guess I can relate to that stupid move of hers once or twice across this life spent at the edge of the court.

LITTLE RED RIDINGHOOD : A BALANCED MEAL

2005-04-04T00:00:00.000+08:00

Little Red Riding Hood is a story about a dumbass little girl that doesn't know anything. One day she decided to take some food to her sick grandmother. Little did she know that a clever wolf had eaten her grandmother weeks ago, and only the remnants of her rotting corpse remained. After the wolf ate her grandmother, he went through all her stuff and tried on her clothing. Just then, the dumbass showed up and started interrogating the wolf. She kept asking him stupid questions about why his teeth and eyes were so large, until finally the wolf snapped and ate her. It turned out that little red riding hood was so stupid that she didn't even know how to be eaten, and the wolf got indigestion. The end.

The moral of the story is that if you ask too many dumbass questions, you will be eaten. Trust me, I know.

ENOUGH SAID

2005-04-03T21:26:00.000+08:00

"I choose to love you in silence for in silence I receive no rejection. I choose to love you in loneliness for in loneliness, no one owns you but I. I choose to adore you from a distance for distance will shield us from pain. I choose to kiss you in the wind for the wind is gentler than my lips. I choose to hold you in my dreams for in my dreams, you have no end."

"Waiting is painful. Forgetting is painful. But not knowing which to do is the worst kind of suffering."

WHOEVER SAID THESE LINES MUST HAVE GOTTEN INVOLVED WITH A BALLER, TOO.

TANGA RIN. HAHA.

I CAN'T MAKE YOU LOVE ME

2005-04-02T00:33:00.000+08:00

I don't know if this speaks for what I feel for him or vice versa. You can't make me watch you if I don't. I can't make you call me if you won't.

You tell me, Bonnie Raitt. It's your song, afterall.

Turn down the lights
Turn down the bed
Turn down these voices inside my head
Lay down with me, tell me no lies
Just hold me close, don't patronize
Don't patronize me.
Cause I can't make you love me if you don't
You can't make your heart feel something it won't
Here in the dark, in these final hours
I will lay down my heart and I'll feel the power
But you won't, no you won't
Cause I can't make you love me if you don't.
I'll close my eyes, then I won't see
The love you don't feel when you're holdin me
Mornin will come and I'll do what's right
Just give me till then to give up this fight
And I will give up this fight.
Cause I can't make you love me if you don't
You can't make your heart feel something it won't
Here in the dark, in these final hours
I will lay down my heart and I'll feel the power
But you won't, no you won't
Cause I can't make you love me if you don't.

LOL

2005-04-01T13:16:00.000+08:00

pryde_24 (12:16:25 AM): tsong anong sabihin ng red thing sa tabi ng mukha sa ym board mo?
iyaiyayow02 (12:16:32 AM): BUSY NGA
iyaiyayow02 (12:16:44 AM): ayaw maniwala
pryde_24 (12:17:20 AM): oic
pryde_24 (12:17:20 AM): di ko kaya alam
iyaiyayow02 (12:17:51 AM): ngayon alam mo na
iyaiyayow02 (12:17:52 AM): yey!!!
iyaiyayow02 (12:18:20 AM): don
pryde_24 (12:18:31 AM): fine
iyaiyayow02 (12:18:33 AM): si ****** nde pa rin ako tinetext
iyaiyayow02 (12:18:34 AM): dammit
iyaiyayow02 (12:18:49 AM): i think he's angry na kasi inconsistent ako.
pryde_24 (12:19:26 AM): bakit ka nakokonsiyensya?
pryde_24 (12:19:34 AM): in love?
iyaiyayow02 (12:20:06 AM): dont get mad ok...
iyaiyayow02 (12:20:09 AM): kami na uli
pryde_24 (12:20:18 AM): ung totoo?
iyaiyayow02 (12:20:21 AM): yea
pryde_24 (12:20:22 AM): since when?
iyaiyayow02 (12:20:27 AM): nung valentine's pa
pryde_24 (12:20:39 AM): what has gotten into you?
iyaiyayow02 (12:20:43 AM): ewan ko
iyaiyayow02 (12:20:47 AM): hindi ko mapigilan eh... i think ur right. i just kept on denying things
pryde_24 (12:21:39 AM): sira ulo
pryde_24 (12:21:44 AM): strike 2 ka na
iyaiyayow02 (12:21:50 AM): sa?
pryde_24 (12:22:11 AM): pagtatago mo. baket ba nagtatago ka na naman sakin? im ur bestfriend for crying out loud!!! hayyy pano na kayo nyan? inaalagaan ka ba nya? ano saktan na ba namin?
iyaiyayow02 (12:22:28 AM): LOL
iyaiyayow02 (12:22:33 AM): HAPPY APRIL FOOL'S DAY!
iyaiyayow02 (12:22:37 AM): HIHIHIHIHII
pryde_24 (12:23:22 AM): whatever
iyaiyayow02 (12:23:26 AM): hihihihih
iyaiyayow02 (12:23:28 AM): LOL
iyaiyayow02 (12:23:33 AM): iba-blog ko ito ha! LOL
pryde_24 (12:23:55 AM): HAYUP!!!

KAPAGURAN

2005-03-30T15:59:00.000+08:00

Nalulungkot ako. Napapansin ko na naman na ang buhay ko ay palabas na naman ang agos. Na parang lahat ng ginagawa ko para sa kanya, sa kanila, sa kanya o sa kanila. Iya, kailangan ko ng ganito. Iya, patulong naman dito. Iya, paano nga pala...

Hindi ko alam kung paano ba ako nasanay tumugon sa mga pangangailangan at kagustuhan ng mga taong nakapaligid sa akin. Masaya ako pag nakikita ko silang masaya. Masarap ang pakiramdam na may kinalaman ako sa ngiti na kumukurba sa kanilang mga labi.

Hindi ko rin alam kung bakit hindi ba ako nasanay na mayroong parang ako sa buhay ko. Hindi kasi ako sanay magpatulong. Sanay lang ako na sinasarili ko ang lahat ng hirap. Ayoko nang naririnig nila na nahihirapan ako. Hindi sa nagmamatigas ako sa buhay. Basta ganon talaga.

Noong isang araw, inisip ko, tama na. Ako naman. Bibigyan ko naman ng panahon ang sarili ko. Natatakot kasi ako na pag tingin ko sa salamin, hindi ko na ako kilala. Ang makikita ko lamang ay mukhang ng mga ibang tao na nabubuhay sa buhay ko. Sawa na akong umintindi palagi. Sana maintindihan rin ako.

Pero ano ang nangyari? Paklpak. Tangina. Hindi tuloy ang plano. Minsan na nga lang magpaplano para sa sarili, sira pa rin. At ang dahilan? Dahil merong isang tao na sarili lang niya ang inisip. Oras lang niya ang importante sa kanya. Bahala nang makasagasa ng nararamdaman ng iba.

Kahit gusto ko siyang pitpitin ngayon hanggang maglaho ang hininga; bilib ako sa kanya. Bilib ako sa kapasidad niya para sa sarili. Na sa kahit anong oras pwede niyang ideklara na siya na lang ang uunahin niya at kaya niyang panindigan yun. Bilib ako sa talento niya na hindi magpahalaga ng ibang tao.

Sana kaya ko ring gawin yun.

Baka sakali sumaya naman ako.

OPM OST OF AN EX-FUTURE RELATIONSHIP

2005-03-29T23:38:00.000+08:00

Track 01 Lea Salonga - We Could Be In Love
Track 02 Jamie Rivera - I've Fallen For You
Track 03 Freestyle - So Slow *
Track 04 Rachel Alejandro - Kay Tagal
Track 05 Rannie Raymundo - Why Can't It Be
Track 06 Bituin Escalante - Kung Ako Na Lang Sana
Track 07 Nina - Jealous
Track 08 Lani Misalucha - Bukas Na Lang Kita Mamahalin
Track 09 Passage - You Won't See Me Crying
Track 10 Side A - Tuloy Pa Rin
Track 11 True Faith - Awit Para Sa Kanya **
Track 12 Ogie Alcasid - Nandito Ako
Track 13 Ariel Riera - Minsan Lang Kita Iibigin ***
Track 14 Martin Nievera - Ikaw Ang Lahat Sa Akin ****

* Slow ka.
** Pagkat sa kanyang mga ngiti, ako'y sumusuko... konting tulak ay iibig na. (?).... sa tuwing kami'y magkasama ako'y natutuwa pagkat sa kanyang mga mata, ako'y sumusuko
*** Yes. Videoke na 'to.
**** Bukas na walang hanggan, hanggang matapos ang kailan pa man...
Ah ewan. ewan? Sa APO yun ha. =p

Yung kay Roselle Nava - Dahil Mahal na Mahal Kita, sobrang hindi yun kasama dito. Kahit na niloloko mo lang ako. Kahit na tumingin ka sa iba, magbubulag-bulagan ako......?????!!!! Ulul.

Hmmmm Sige. Track 15.
Hahahahaha.

OST OF AN EX-FUTURE RELATIONSHIP

2005-03-29T22:19:00.000+08:00

Track 01 Dru Hill - Angel *
Track 02 Mike Francis - Friends
Track 03 The Corrs - Hopelessly Addicted
Track 04 Kathy Trocolli - If I'm Not in Love
Track 05 Breathe - How Can I Fall
Track 06 Wilson Philips -You're In Love **
Track 07 Gloria Estefan - Words Get In The Way
Track 08 Gabrielle - Out of Reach
Track 09 D'Sound - Tattooed On My Mind
Track 10 98 Degrees - Was It Something I Didn't Say ***
Track 11 Lou Pardini - What Might Have Been
Track 12 Celine Dion - If You Asked Me To
Track 13 Switchfoot - Dare You To Move
Track 14 Twista/Lil Flip - Sunshine ****

* Hmmm
** And I know that you're not in love with me =(
*** 98 Degrees? HAH. So, sue me.
**** Wala gusto ko lang. Irrelevant. Hahaha.

READ MEAT AND PENANCE

2005-03-27T22:42:00.000+08:00

Thank goodness it's already easter. i missed my red meat consumption. Not that I did not appreciate gorging on inihaw na bangus, gingered mussels, caviar sushi and california maki... it's just that grilled liempo, crispy pata and bulalo have an excruciatingly tempting appeal once Lenten season dots the calendar.

Okay. I cheated. I ate a miniscule piece of barbecue last holy wednesday! Smite me! Smite me!

I love it that Christianity preaches a great deal about penance and forgiveness.

God, sorry I cheated.

Please forgive my unbridled gluttony for fatty, carcinogenic pieces of hog on a stick. I promise to try to be a 40-day vegetarian next year.

THANKSGIVING

2005-03-19T23:21:00.000+08:00

For being my cheerleader
For convincing me to go to the gym
For striking conversations ranging from supersenti to uber-happy
For being with me when he decided to cancel
For making me laugh when all I wanted to do was cry my eyes out
For telling me that I do not need shit in my life, thus making me realize I needed to let go of him once and for all
For brainstorming ideas I needed for my do-or-die final exam
For making me appreciate even the ugliest struggles in life
For the celebration of inevitable friendship
For the long walks and food trips

...Thank you, Paulo.

YOU NEVER KNEW

2005-03-13T02:35:00.000+08:00

I stand in front of the sunrise today, filled with awe at the beauty that lies before me. I wish I could have at least an idea of what falls beyond the horizon, just as much as I wish the sea will open up to me and eat me whole. Yet the sea seems to bear a somewhat unexplainable message I couldn’t decode. Something perhaps everybody knows about, something I should have known a long time ago just as much.

I stand here between the sun and the sea, both of which existed since time immemorial. I lay still, nursing my cup of coffee that turned cold, as cold as your heart has become and my pack of cigarettes, as stale as my love for you. The love you never knew existed.

The wind blew right into my face, sending shivers to my spine. It gently flew away my hair that covered the tears that I have unconsciously cried for you. I did not notice how strong the wind has become until I felt it leaving a dry saline line upon my face.

Suddenly, like a dream that has been haunting me in my sleep, I see a familiar event flash right in from of me. I could see myself alone in a room crying till there’s no more tears left to cry, holding on to my pillow that has become my faithful companion in the advent of my trying to put you to oblivion. It has never been easy for me to have always fallen asleep with pillows still soaked with tears as I wake up. Yet, you don’t have the faintest idea of these all, do you? You never knew.

So here I am, escaping from the bondage of you. I am a hundred miles away from the past that I am painstakingly trying to mend. This journey is for the part of me I wish to redeem, for no other reason but to put you all behind me. These will be the last tears I’ll cry for you. It won’t be easy, I know. But just as the sun that never fails to rise each waking moment of every day and the sea that forever links one landmass to the other, this decision wouldn’t fail me. You will now be just a past worth smiling about as I think of how much I will be capable of loving another, in time. I did love you, you know. To the point of surrender. But then again, you never knew.

You were then my entire universe. It's time you ought to know.

(disclaimed)
(midlastyear)
(blah)

I, THE PARTIALLY RETARDED

2005-03-13T00:37:00.000+08:00

The thing I hate about meeting up with friends I haven't seen for long is the interrogation period about my love life. Or about the possible reasons of its absence. Or about the last guy I thought would have made a difference. Or about the last guy they thought would have made me different.

In between mouthfuls of pastillas de leche donuts and coffee sips, I have been grilled yet again about him. Made me wish that I was sipping-- no-- chugging on beer instead of my Saturday java swish.

Dee launched into a yada yada yada marathon about him (with occasional teasers from Bes) which confused Jay into thinking that Dee, Bes and I were talking about my other ex. Which led Jay into the conclusion that the relationships I get into made me partially retarded. And since I'm still in the same track of relationship preference though I'm already in UP Diliman (and graduate studies, he said, should have created a smarter version of me), made me somewhat retarded in a situational oxymoron.

Is it possible that Jay is right? Or did he only say that because he was the deviant cookie amongst us who drank beer?

Nah... I guess he is right. Jay couldn't be anything but sober just after a bottle of Superdry.

Dannngggg. I'm partially retarded. Probably, by next week's start, as my love life comes into being, my retardation will shoot up to full.

Afterall, what good is love without a little madness? (at least in the point of view of the fractionally insane)

100 THINGS ABOUT ME

2005-03-10T17:17:00.000+08:00

I am a dog person.
I think my affinity for dogs started when people started saying that I am a bitch.
I need to have a black or chocolate labrador before summer 2005 ends. Help.
I dropped out of college halfway through my junior year, and went back the following year.
That, I believe, is still the most incredible stage of my life.
I do not watch porn. Swear.
I used to be a voracious reader.
I cannot sing.
I love videoke.
I do not really like ice cream very much.
Iskrambol, yum yum.
Butter, yes. Margarine, no.
I am a Sagittarius with Capricorn rising-I am very influenced by both signs.
I derive a significant amount of my self-worth from school.
I am taking up M.A. Educational Psychology in the University of the Philippines- Diliman.
I try to walk around at the academic oval at least twice a week.
I consider running/jogging/walking to be the most efficient weight maintenance exercise for myself.
I try to be liberal without apology.
I am an ass kicker par excellence.
I consider myself a spiritual person, but not a religious one.
I gained the majority of my spirituality and relationship with a higher power through my involvement with Fire Beyond Borders.
My sense of smell is not very strong.
I can be brutally honest, so do not ask me if you do not want to know the truth.
And ask me if you want to know the truth. Be brave, little one. Hehe.
There are some things I can write about that I cannot talk about.
I think reality as we know it does not exist.
There is just some stuff that should be considered alamat.
People think I am funny.
I am 100% hetero and fine with that.
I am all for gay rights.
I am a fierce believer in finding your own style and individuality.
Try as I might, I simply cannot keep a normal sleeping schedule.
I love BF Paranaque. No, I mean I REALLY love BF Paranaque.
I harbor a deep loathing for bold stars with tiny vocabulary.
Other people throw parties, I am a party (apologies to David Lee Roth, from whom I stole that line).
I am a magazine junkie.
Cosmo = read and apply.
The only fruits I like are mango, melon, banana, watermelon and guava.
I hate grapes.
Which also makes me do not like wine.
I love veggies- except chayote.
Tequila. Gimme. Gimme.
I do not care if doing bodyshots is just a lousy American excuse for using Tequila. Bring it on.
I am Miss Cold Hands.
I developed a certain likeness for ice late last year. Hmmm I wonder why.
I think I will really be a good mom.
Sometimes, I get teary-eyed when I remember Thomas Percival / Tippy.
He is my ex-future son.
Or he could have been a she. Marguerite Helene. Marga.
I am fiercely loyal. Sometimes, stupidly so.
I sometimes cross that fine line between assertive and aggressive.
I am not afraid to tell people that I love them.
I know a little bit about a lot of things.
I am a bundle of contradictions. Covered in secret sauce.
I typically enjoy the company of men more than women.
I am capable of being really mean and nasty, but I fight it, really hard.
I learned the term putaragis from my maternal grandmother much to her dismay.
Isaw is a comfort food. Baboy ha.
I refuse to buy a book unless it’s thicker than a steak
Sweet Valley Twins has influenced me in more ways than one. Seriously.
They say I make delish pasta dishes.
I don’t even dig pasta that much.
I can get really cheesy when it comes to my opinions on love. So cheesy to the point of stench.
I think that Kapuso shows are a complete waste of electricity.
I love you, Papa Piolo!
I love you more, Papa Jericho.
And guess who I love the most… must be the baller. Ulol.
I have unconsciously collected bestfriends.
Donne is my bestfriend slash soulmate slash eternal curse.
I am taking up art lessons. You have to believe that I really did paint those watermelons.
Highschool sucked. College rocked.
Gradeschool is a blur.
Why do I like Motown now?
Britney Spears does not make my blood curdle anymore.
I am tough. I am ambitious and I know exactly what I want. If that makes me a bitch, okay. Madonna
I think she is right. I sooo love her.
Hen Lin is my favourite fast food joint. Oooh braised beef. Oooh siomai.
KFC comes second. Gravy pa lang, ulam na.
I have never been out of Luzon.
I am not a jealous woman.
Men will tell you they hate jealous women, but I have studied this claim over many years and have found it to be almost entirely untrue.
My doll, Twinkle, is still missing. =( Give her back.
I did not watch Titanic, because I don’t like long movies, sad endings and Kate Winslet.
Chad Michael Murray and Shane West are hot.
I should start watching plays.
I should stop drinking too much cola.
I cannot swim. So waddafucc am I gonna do in Galera next month?
I try so hard not to be a cradle – snatcher anymore. Really.
I prefer shopping alone.
Doing the grocery is the nicest form of therapy for me.
I want Kris Aquino to be my friend.
I love watching beauty pageants for some extreme bashing.
The Carebears are not lame. I adore them.
I recently became addicted to Power Pusoy.
I can only tolerate a bit wasabi.
Contrary to popular belief, I am not a gimikera.
I used to teach in preschool.
I miss being around kids.
I think I am almost incapable of falling in love.
Nagmamatigas daw ako sabi niya.

BIO SCHEMA

2005-03-09T18:09:00.000+08:00

Status: Single
Age: 23
Location: Philippines
Hometown: Paranaque and QC
Occupation: grad student, tutor, ice breaker
Schools: UP Dil (MA Educational Psychology), Bene

Hobbies and Interests: cheapthrills, stars, ice, flowers, art, literature, laglagan, walking, power pusoy

Favorite Books: Psychology books, cookbooks, Man's Search for Meaning, Cien Sonetos de Amor, Veinte Poemas de Amor y Una Cancion Desesperada

Favorite Movies: Sister Act, Notting Hill, Gandhi, Catch Me If You Can, The Color Purple, Il Postino, Amores Perros

Favorite Music: Madonna, Dave Matthews Band, Matchbox Twenty, Beyonce, Serendipity OST, Marvin Gaye, Maxwell, Gloria Estefan and The Miami Sound Machine, The Temptations

Favorite TV Shows: The Simpsons, 30 Minute Meals, Straight Talk with Cito Beltran, Jay Leno Show, Late Night With Conan O'Brien

NGAWNGAW

2005-03-08T18:07:00.000+08:00

Iya: I'll be the master.
Paul: Ayaw!
Iya: Sige na. I'll be the master and you could be second in command.
Paul: But there are only two of us.
Iya: Exactly.

---

Jap's Epitaph: Here lies the LATE Jap Hernandez. She was never on time.
Donne's Epitaph: Here lies the drop, DEAD gorgeous Donne Ylagan.
Iya's Epitaph: Keep Off the Grass
Karen-the-horse's Epitaph: She ate grass.

---

Liz: Iya in a word.
Marita: Pasaway

Liz: Iya in 2 words
Marita: Sobrang pasaway

---

Philip: The pot cannot call the kettle black.
Iya: Because the pot cannot speak.

---

Iya: Birds of the same feather...
JP: Look-alike
Iya: Make a good feather duster

---

Haydee: Inday, bumili ka ng dalawang box na COOKIE SHEET. Eto ang pera.
Inday: Opo, Ati.

***After an hour. Si Inday may dalang dalawang kahon na malaki, nagpatulong pang magbuhat sa boy ng kapitbahay.***

Haydee: O ano yang dala mo? Bakit ang dami?
Inday: Ati, inabonohan ko pa nga eh. Kulang padala n'yong pambili.
Haydee: Ano ba yan? bakit parang may bote?
Inday: Ati, di'ba sabi mo COKE IS IT?

(Putaragis ka Inday. COOKIE SHEET! Kung coke eh di coke na lang sasabihin baket naman coke is it pa?!?)

---

Iya: How was your meeting with GMA?
*Procopio: I was lectured by a hobbit.
(* real name withheld upon request)

---

Iya and Donne's Favorite Line
"We are not playing hard to get. We are hard to get."

---

Smoking Area, Starbucks
Teeny-bopper-bitch: Can you direct your smoke somewhere else?
Iya: Well, if you wanted a smoke-free environment, then you would have placed your sorry ass inside!
(Hel-Lo? Smoking area!)

---

Clueless boy: Iya, ano meaning ng ngawngaw?
Iya: It means ewan.
Clueless boy: Ano nga?
Iya: Ewan nga!
Clueless boy: Ha?
Iya: Ngawngaw = Ewan. Gets?
Clueless boy: Ano?
Iya: Example, ikaw, ngawngaw ka.

---

Jap: May bobo bang student sa U.P.?
Iya: Wala. Hindi naman enrolled si Karen eh.

---

Marita: So do we all agree that the Basic Education Curriculum has undergone premature implementation?
Geoff: Premature ejaculation?
Iya: IM-PLE-MEN-TA-TION

---

Cee: Insecure ka daw kaw Grace kasi siya maganda.
Iya: Ok lang na pangit ako, tapos s'ya maganda. Basta hindi kami pareho ng level. Ikakamatay ko pag nagkasama kami sa isang level.

---

Daddy: Anak, ang lakas mo manglait.
Iya: Dad, I'm just being honest, opinionated and outspoken.

---

Janice: I'm sure Rico has a brain.
Iya: He has a brain of a porcupine- a dead porcupine.

---

Liza: So wala ka na feelings for him?
Iya: Meron. Poot at panibugho.

Liza: Ang colorful naman ng life mo!
Iya: Blue, black and gray.

---

Robi: you gotta love this girl! She's the most kalog girl I know.
Iya: You gotta love this guy! He's the most bilog guy I know.

---

Iya: So hindi na kakanta Akafellas sa dinner?
Nanay Teena: Hindi, guest lang rin sila dun.
Iya: Tayo, pwede kumanta?
Ate Teena: Kung payag sila.
Iya: May magagawa ba sila pag ginapos ko sila?

---

***Iya texts Robi***
Iya: Robi, you're the DJ at Wave right now? play a song for me and my friend Haydee. Ü
Robi: OK! Ü

***After 5 minutes at 89,1 Wave***

DJ Robi the Rascal: Hi to Iya and Haydee. The next song's for you guys. The title is, "Crazy".

(Crazy pala ha? Crazy????? Oo nga. =p)

---

Survey: If you can put any animal into extinction, what animal would you choose?
Iya: Si Francis. Hayop siya. Animal!

---

Bongga Ka Day- English Version (from akafellas forum)
"Maid you're so great, maid you're so great
Go on, go on
Raise your eyebrow"
---

Teacher Nice: Ok, nursery, what do you call the process of putting together two sets?
Nursery: *silence*
Teacher Iya: Ok children... you have 3 popsicle sticks and 2 tissue rolls. Now the question is... What is love?
(Wha-hat??? Hehehe)

---
Eunice: Papayag ka ba mag-pose ng nude for FHM for P1,000,000?
Iya: Hindi. Mas mahal magpagamot ng magulang eh.

---

Joe's Bulletin Board Message Title:
Will Pay For Testimonials
(Bayad ko, tanda?)

---

Iya: Donne! May driver's license na ako!
Donne: Wow! I'm so happy for you!
Iya: Ngayon, kailangan ko na lang matuto magdrive.
Only in the Philippines nauuna ang lisensya bago ang rason para magkaron ka ng lisensya. Banana Republic.

---

Ching: Ano mangyayari pag naging pre-school teacher ka?!
Iya: Tataas mortality rate ng mga bata.

Weng: Ano mangyayari pag naging pre-school teacher ka?!
Iya: Magdedecide silang mag-O.S.Y. kaagad.

---

Karen: san na nag-aaral pinsan mo ngayon?
Iya: O.S.Y. na s'ya. Ayaw na nya mag-aral.
Karen: Saan yung O.S.Y?
Iya: Out of School Youth yun, eng-eng!

---
This was when I was getting license in LTO Las Piñas.LTO Employee: Anong gagawin mo pag nagdadrive ka at nalaman mo na sira pala ang brake mo?Iya: Iiyak po.Hahaha... shempre engine brake

---

Iya: May nakapagsabi na ba sayo na maganda ka?Karen: *blushes* Oo...Iya: Sus! Naniwala ka naman!

---

Colleen: Si Joms sensitive pala.Iya: Centipede si Joms? Baket sya naging centipede???Colleen: SENSITIVE. (Hahaha oo na. Sige na. I'm fuckin deaf. LOL)

---

Delight: Cesca, ang cute ng lighter mo!Cesca: That's from Egypt. *beams with pride*Delight: Oh wow!!! An Egyptian lighter!*gets lighter*Delight: ...that says CHINA at the bottom!

---

Jap was complaining about itchiness...Jap: Ang kati! May insekto yata na gumagapang sakin eh!Colleen: Insekto? You mean literally an insect?

Jap: Langgam siguro. Kasi sweet ako eh.Iya: Baka dahil nabubulok ka na.

---

Iya's Lines

● Mind over matter. You don't mind, they don't matter.

● Iniisip mo pa lang, ginagawa ko na. O gawa ko na.

● Ex ka na. Kaya wag ka magfeeling. Hindi kita hinahabol.

---

"Ouch...Aray... Ang sakit ng Toothache ko..."- Stupid Classmate in Gradeschool

(I can't imagine her pain. Ouch na nga. Aray pa. Malamang! ToothACHE nga eh.)

---

Powerbooks Saleslady: I miss my boyfriend na eh.

Powerbooks Salesman: OK lang yan. Diba absence makes the heart go on!

(Fonder diba? Heart will go on? Titanic ikaw ba yan?)

---

Iya and Donne's Fave Lines From Bala at Lipstik

● No manners! Ugh!!! No etiquette! Ugh!!!

● May I help you? Yes! Please help me!!!

● Sincere ka nga. Bastos ka lang.

---

Karen: Nakita mo na yung bagong MTV ni J-Lo?

Iya: MALI! You call it a music video not MTV.

Karen: *sings* shoes on my feet, I fought it!

Iya: MALI! Bought dapat! Hindi fought!

Karen: Lagi naman akong mali eh!

Iya: Ayan! Tama ka d'yan!

---

Levels of Kalandian (According to Ricco's maid)

Malandi- when you're being friendly and suggestive at the same time.

Kalantari- Like being malandi, but you start touching the person already.

Haliparot- Like being kalantari, but you start buying stuff for the person already.

Hitad- Like being a haliparot, and oh man... you f*ckin whore.

---

Iya: I openly admit it. I was an ugly duckling back then. At least, now I feel I turned into a swan princess, kahit paano.

Karen: Eh ako? Ano ako?

Iya: Magpa-kiss ka na sa princess, para hindi ka laging mukhang palaka.

---

Geri: What went wrong ba kay Karen?

Iya: A GENETIC ACCIDENT.

Geri: Eh what went wrong kay Niña?

Iya: SCIENTIFIC BREAKTHROUGH. The only aborted baby who survived.

---

“REPUTASYON. RE-PUTA-SYON. Ikaw yung type ng tao na wala ka ng RE, wala ka pang SYON. PUTA ka na lang.” -Kang
---

“You look FIT. In Tagalog, mukha kang paa.” -Geri (fit=feet, Gets? Hehe)

---

Juliet: Hahaha sa Jollibee na lang naten bigyan ng party si Jim!

Karen: Ayan andun si Jollibee, may mascot na tutubi!

Iya: Karen… JolliBEE nga eh! Hindi Jollidragonfly!!!

---

Iya: Panget ka!

Donne: Mas panget ka

Iya: Pinakapanget ka!

Donne: Pinakapinakapinakapanget kaaaa! Save! no erase! Forever! Shielddd

---

Iya: Kain tayo sa Pep’s.

Niña: OK. Pero wala ako pera eh. *parinig parinig*

Iya: It’s okay! You don't have to eat.

---

Lisa: RC, malapad pala noo mo…

RC: Hindi ah! Mababa lang talaga kilay ko.

---

Other Movie Titles

Niña Santiago Story (subtitle: Tao Ba Ako Inay?)

Mas Mainit Pa Sa Kape, Mas Makati Pa Sa Gabi (subtitle: Higad, Ikaw Ba Yan?)

Dexter Santiago Story (subtitle: Tatanda at Lilipas Rin Ako)

---

Cesca's Vocabulary (A Half-Italian, Half-Pinay Boo-boos)

●LiLichugihin- a cross between lelechonin and chuchugihin. Which is which Chesca?

●Sibak- according to her, it's part of a pinoy movie title. You know... Patayin Sa Sibak Si Barbara... Chesca, it's Sindak.

---

Rina: Ano ba whole name ni Dave?

Iya: Dave Love Hewitt Pitt Banderas Abellarde

Rina: Di nga? Ulul...

SAYAW AT ALAB

2005-03-06T21:50:00.000+08:00

SAYAW AT ALAB

Isigaw mo man sa buong kalawakan na mahal mo s'ya,
Aalingawngaw pa rin ang iyong nagkukunwaring pag-ibig.

Igabay mo man ang iyong kamay sa kanyang balikat,
Taglay pa rin ng iba ang bakas ng iyong mga labi.

Kayo man ay makita ng buong mundo, magkasama, nagtatawanan...
Alam ng mga anino at ng mga tala kung sino ang yakap mo kagabi.
Kung sino yaong umiiyak at nagpapa-iwan sa iyo.

Sa pagkulay ng abo sa kalangitan,
Ibulong mo kung sino ang tunay mong mahal.
Idampi mo ang iyong mga labi sa mga labi ng nais nang magpa-iwan sa iyo.
At makikita mong hindi magsusumbong ang nagsasayawang mga anino at mga talang naga-alab.

KUNG NAKINIG KA LANG

2005-02-27T17:30:00.000+08:00

Kung nakinig ka lang nang mabuti; hindi mo na kailangang magtanong ngayon kung ano ang aking nararamdaman.

Kahit hindi ko pa rin ito matawag na pagmamahal; maniwala ka na malapit rin ito doon.

Kahit hindi lang ikaw ang laman ng isip ko; maniwala ka na sa paggising ko ikaw ang una kong naaalala.

Kahit hindi ko kayang piliin na manatili sa tabi mo; maniwala ka na kabaliktaran noon ang gusto kong mangyari.

Sabi mo, iniisip ko lang ang gusto kong isipin; hindi ko binibigyan ng importansya ang aking nararamdaman. Kung nakinig ka lang ng mabuti... hindi mo na dapat sinabi ang mga iyan.

Dapat narinig mo ang binulong ng puso ko na sana minamahal na lang kita;
na sana minamahal mo na lang rin ako.

PASUKIN ANG ISIPAN NG LALAKENG MANLOLOKO

2005-02-20T23:37:00.000+08:00

Langya. Ang labo.

[[ PART 1 >

Nagsimula sa wala lang. Ah ikaw pala yun. Ganda. Sexy. Mukhang matalino. Hayyy ang boring. Wala talagang magawa ngayon. Maloko ka nga. Ayy hindi muna... baka hindi ka dapat lokohin.

Maghihintay muna ako. Tignan ko kung pwede kang paglaruan.

Uyyy... Mukha kang aggressive. Dami mo palang ex.

5...4...3...2...1

Tingin ko, pwede na. Yari ka sakin.

[[ PART 2 >

Ang bait ko sa iyo. Kilig ka naman sa effort ko. Layo ng school mo ha. Badtrip. Pero okay na rin. Mabait ka rin naman kasi.

Sana maniwala ka na seryoso ako sa iyo. Kasi hindi totoo yun.

Pag naniwala ka, panalo ako.

Pansin ko lang ang saya mo pag nakikita mo ako. Siguro naiinlove ka na sa akin. Diyan ka nagkamali. Akala ko pa naman nasa superior ang IQ mo.

Pasensya na pala kasi wala akong regalo sa iyo. Bakit naman kita bibigyan? Sino ka ba naman sa akin?

Ikaw yung nagpapasaya sa akin... pero hindi masyado.

[[ PART 3 >

Panalo na ako. Sa akin ka na. Sa akin ka na pero ayaw ko sa iyo.

Gusto kita pero hindi sa akala mong gusto kita. Huwag kang aasa na magkapareho tayo ng nararamdaman kasi hindi posible yun. Niloloko lang kita. Pero siyempre hindi mo pa alam. Parang ayoko nang sabihin.

Ang bait mo kasi.

Akala ko ba maldita ka? Ilabas mo sama ng ugali mo. Awayin mo ako. Magpakademanding ka. laitin mo lahat ng pwede mong laitin.

Bigyan mo ako ng rason na tama lang na niloloko kita.

Hindi uso sa akin ang guiltrip. Kaya wag mong simulan. Utang na loob. Wag mo ako daanin sa pagiging sweet, caring and understanding mo. Hindi ka girlfriend material.

Pero girlfriend rin kita.

[[ PART 4 >

Tapos na ang kalokohan.

Ang bait mo. Ang bait-bait mo talaga. Loka loka ka pero mabait ka pa rin. Paano mo natatanggap yung mga ginawa ko? Bakit hindi mo sinabi dati pa na alam mo na naman pala ang lahat?

Anong trip yan?

Anong trip mo ngayon?

Nagbago ka na. Ang taray mo ngayon. Tinatabla mo na rin ako paminsan. Pero hindi ka rin nagbago. Sweet, caring at understanding ka pa rin.

Hindi ka pa rin girlfriend material... pero wala sa iyo ang problema. Nasa akin.

Tangina. Akala ko ba tapos na ang kalokohan?

[[ PART 5 >

Gumaganda ka. Mas madalas ka kasing ngumiti ngayon.

Gusto na naman kitang makita. Gusto kitang makita kahit sa mga araw na hindi dapat.

Kapag naaalala ko mga pinupuntahan natin dati at sinasabi ko ang mga iyon sa iyo, naiinis ka. Iniiba mo ang usapan. Masaya naman nakaraan natin ha?
Kasinungalingan, pero masaya.

Bakit ko nga ba naaalala yun? Baka dahil masaya. Kasama kasi kita.

Mas masaya siguro kung naging totoo na lang...

[[ PART 6 >

Naguguluhan na ako.

Pero hindi mo ito dapat malaman. Hindi mo dapat malaman na nagsimula ka sa wala lang pero ngayon meron na.

Hindi ko dapat aminin... hindi ko kayang aminin...

POST VDAY INTROSPECTION

2005-02-15T21:41:00.000+08:00

1. DESCRIBE YOUR VDAY 2005
>> surprisingly fun

2. LUMABAS KA BA NUNG VDAY? SAN KA NAGPUNTA?
>> yep. up dil fair (luv a-fair))

3. ANO GINAWA MO DUN?
>> watched several bands perform- mabuhay ang sugarfree at imago… foodtrip – hay nako chicken na naman… nagbilang ng stars- pero konti lang... nagrides- nagfake ng excitement sana kasi ferriswheel na lang… nagbeto-beto- errrr beto beto nga ba tawag dun? basta nanalo ako ng 15 pesos. hahahaha

4. SINO ANG KASAMA MO?
>> yung icebreakee ako

5. MAY NATANGGAP KA BANG GIFTS NUNG VDAY?
>> cards from tessa and sam (dear ate iya or whatever)

6. ANO BA TALAGA GUSTO MO MATANGGAP?
>> wala. nagulat nga ako at naalala pa ako nung mga makukulit na mga bata sa building. =)

7. MAY BINIGYAN KA BA NG GIFTS NUNG VDAY?
>> cards for tessa and sam

8. ANO MAS GUSTO MO? FLOWERS OR CHOCOLATES?
>> i like giving and receiving flowers

9. MAY BF/GF KA BA NGAYON?
>> i have a friend who is a boy. I remember the boy but I don’t remember the feeling anymore. BWAHAHAHA

10. NASAAN KA LAST VDAY 2004?
>> alabang with donne

11. ANO GINAWA NIYO?
>> nagdate! ching! churva. haha we had coffee and bashed all couples we saw. magbebreak rin kayo blah blah blah bitter kami last year yata. stress on yata. =p

12. ANO MAS MASAYA? VDAY 2004 OR 2005?
>> 2005

13. BAKIT?
>> kasi hindi na ako bitter this year. bittersweet na.

14. ANONG SONG ANG BAGAY SA VDAY 2005 MO?
>> apo hiking society – panalangin

15. ANO PINAKA-MEMORABLE MOMENT NG VDAY 2005 MO?]
>> nung hindi ko masagot yung tanong na “bakit tayo magkasama ngayon?”

NA NAMAN

2005-01-30T20:04:00.000+08:00

Oo. Naguguluhan na naman ako.

Okay na sana ako noong mga nakaraang linggo. Hindi ko lang sinubukang maging malakas. Naging malakas talaga ako. Hindi ko lang sinubukang hindi masaktan sa mga alaala ng nakaraan. Talagang wala na ako maramdaman sa mga balik-tanaw. Hindi ko lang sinubukang hindi ka kausapin. Nawala na talaga sa kamalayan ko ang boses mo.

Pero, tinawag mo na naman ako.
Bigla na naman ako nanghina-
Naalala nang bigla ang mga hindi ko na dapat tandaan.
Bigla ko na namang narinig ang boses mo.

Pero nasa harapan talaga kita. Totoong nandyan ka na naman.

Bakit gusto mo na naman akong makasama?
Bakit mo na naman ginagawa ang mga bagay na hindi mo sa akin dapat ginagawa?
Bakit mo ako tinatawag, alam mo naman na dapat ibang pangalan ang lumabas sa iyong mga labi?

Akala ko ba tapos na?
Huwag mo na akong tignan.
Tinutunaw mo lang ako. Pinapahina.

Akala ko ba tama na?
Huwag mo na akong lapitan.
Baka hindi ako bumitaw sa iyo.

Akala ko ba tapos na? Tama na?
Kaya... bakit na naman?

UNBROKEN

2005-01-25T20:17:00.000+08:00

Maybe it takes someone to come into your life and then leave for you to remember who it is you are in the first place.

It's possible that, after a time, the monotony of the average life starts to blur and we begin to stray from the path in which we trudge.

Then, suddenly someone comes in and we vibrate with life. Laugh louder. Do more. Try new things. And feel again. Then, in much the same fashion, with no parade or banners, they leave.

But instead of going back to the fuzzy greyness of existence, could it be we are renewed? Suddenly having all the energy needed in order to do all those things we want to do? Play the guitar until the pads of the fingers on your left hand are numb. Devour books late into the night because you can't get enough of the woven tales, not because you have too many on your bedside table. Go out and take pictures and hone your craft; experiment with the very reality that is yours; figure out how to show people the world through your eyes. Take up new things with your friends. Consider where you want to go in the future. Observe your effect on the world at any given moment.

Be reminded how precious the people in your life are. And write it all down because you know somehow that this will be one of those things that you'll want to look back on one day. One day far into the future when you don't know anymore how a broken heart saved your life.

BREAKUP SONG

2005-01-12T20:08:00.000+08:00

BREAK UP SONG

I'm not anticipating nor engaging on pessimistic shit, but I think that the probability is high that THIS is the break-up song.

HERE IS GONE
-Goo Goo Dolls

You and I got somethin but it's all
and then its nothin to me yeah
And I got my defenses when it comes
to your intentions for me yeah
And we wake up in the breakdown of the
things we never thought we could be
yeah

I'M NOT THE ONE WHO BROKE YOU
I'M NOT THE ONE YOU SHOULD FEAR
We got to move to move you darlin
I thought I lost you somewhere
BUT YOU WERE NEVER REALLY THERE AT ALL

Chorus:
Yeah Once you get free talk to me
I can feel you falling
WANTED TO BE ALL YOU NEED
SOMEHOW HERE IS GONE

---------------------------

No need to fret. I think here is... well... still here.

WHERE IS THE LOVE?

2005-01-09T22:49:00.000+08:00

CAN YOU SAY FOREVER?
Current mood: indescribable

Simply put, Hollywood's hottest couple is kaput.

Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston announced Friday that they were calling it quits after nearly five years of marriage. "We have decided to formally separate," they said in a joint statement.

I know God is fair, so why is it that reports say that the reason for the split-up is Angelina Jolie?

- - -

Sunshine Cruz-Montano was interviewed about the rumor that her husband Cesar Montano had it going with starlet Julianna Palermo for a while.

When Kris Aquino asked if Sunshine's woman's instict really held that her husband did it with the starlet... she sounded as if she wanted to cry but said yes, anyway.

Then she kept on raving about how her husband loves her.

- - -

I sunddenly remembered why I had been immensely afraid of commitment. I'm going to leave it to faith to increase trust, hope to increase strength and love to provide the rest.

But where is the love?

CLOSEST THING TO CRAZY

2005-01-09T19:58:00.000+08:00

How can I think I'm standing strong,
Yet feel the air beneath my feet?
How can happiness feel so wrong?
How can misery feel so sweet?

How can you let me watch you sleep,
Then break my dreams the way you do?
How can I have got in so deep?
Why AM I FEELING THIS FOR YOU?

This is the closest thing to crazy
I have ever been,
Feeling TWENTY-THREE, acting seventeen,
This is the nearest thing to crazy
I have ever known,
I was never crazy on my own

And now I know
That there's a link between the two
Being close to craziness
And being close to you

How can you make me fall apart
Then break my fall with loving lies?
It's so easy to break a heart;
It's so easy to close your eyes.

How can you treat me like a child?
Yet like a child I yearn for you.
How can anyone feel so wild?
How can anyone feel so blue?

WALA NANG BAWIAN

2005-01-01T23:53:00.000+08:00

[him] ano ba? tayo ba o hindi?
[her] tayo yata.
[him] yata?! ang labo mo. tayo ba o hindi? sagot!
[her] sige. tayo na.

aral: wag sasagot ng tanong pag ikaw ay may tama na. pero sige. wala nang bawian... buti na lang nakatingin ka na sa mga mata niya nung sinabi mo na mahal mo siya .

HINALUNGKAT NA KARIMLAN

2004-12-30T17:43:00.000+08:00

Hindi ka normal.

Sa mga panahong iniiisip ko sana magustuhan mo ako sinabi mo agad na sa tingin mo mahal mo na ako. Gusto kita tawanan noon, pero sino ba naman ako para sabihin na mali ka, na hindi totoo yung sinasabi mo. Eh sa ikaw nga yung nakakaramdam nun hindi naman ako. Hindi rin naman mali na matuto magmahal agad. Hindi rin kasalanan kung ako ang mahal mo. Hindi naman ako krimen.

Hindi mo ako tinanong kung ano yung nararamdaman ko. Malamang dahil alam mo na kung ano yung sagot. Hindi pareho ng sa iyo. Pero kung bubuksan mo ang puso ko at hahalughugin ang isip ko, makikita mo ang pangalan mo dun. Pero may ? na kadikit. Hindi ako sigurado kung saan ito papunta. Natatakot ako. Gusto ko pigilan kasi baka makasakit lang ako o ako ang masaktan pero ewan. Bakit ba pasaway akong tao? Sige lang ng sige. Sa lahat ng natatakot, ako ang makulit.

Sinabi mo pa rin na mahal mo ako. Hindi pa rin ako makasagot ng sagot na bagay dun. Pinakamalapit na nasabi ko, konti na lang yata mahal na rin kita. Hindi ko alam kung natuwa ka nung sinabi ko yun. Basta hinalikan mo ako. Pero wala ako naramdamang emosyon na konektado dun sa kakasabi ko lang.

Tinanong kita kung mahal mo pa rin ako. Oo ang sagot mo. Pero hindi ka naman makatingin sa akin.

BIRTHDAY WISHLIST

2004-12-02T15:33:00.000+08:00

Sa lahat ng mga nangungulit na mag-post na ako ng birthday wishlist ko... ito para sa inyo. 23 Gifts for my 23rd birthday.

DECEMBER 20, BABY!

Ibigay niyo lahat ha! Stress on #17. Hehe =p

1. BOARD SHORTS (preferably red, pink, yellow)

2. RUBBER STAMP that says Iya Santos (shempre bigyan niyo rin ako ng stamp pad)

3. 6100 CASING (not blue. not black)

4. MENTHOLATED LIP GLOSS (pink shades only)

5. BLUSH ON (pinkish. brownish shades only. I'll whack you until you bleed if you give me something bloody red.)

6. SWEET VALLEY ELIZABETH WAKEFIELD SECRET LOVE DIARY #3 (Wala ng pakialaman! Gusto ko yun!)

7. THE LARGEST BOTTLE OF JOSE CUERVO GOLD THAT YOU CAN GET YOUR HANDS ON (Tolerate my developing addiction)

8. CIGARETTE CASE (black or silver only)

9. ZIPPO SLIM CHROME LIGHTER (Sige na nga... OR 10 Black BIC lighters)

10. LONG STEMMED WHITE ROSES (or pink, peach, yellow... basta hindi red! I HATE red roses.)

11. HARDBOUND 2005 PLANNER (The kind I can hit you with and you'd go... ouch! Hehe)

12. ANYTHING WITH STARS (bedsheets, pillowcase, hankie, stationery, babytee, SKY... Ü)

13. BABY IPOD (My dad should read this list.)

14. SILVER GRAY DIGICAM (My dad should REALLY get a copy of this list.)

15. ISKRAMBOL (*sigh*)

16. 1-YEAR SUBSCRIPTION TO COSMO PHILS. (I'm so tamad to buy every first of the month... Haha gusto ko lang ng free. =p)

17. THE LAST MAN WHO HAD A MIND BLOWING EFFECT ON ME (Ahem Eunice. Ahem Donne. Go ahead! Go get him for me! Good luck. TOUGH LUCK! =p)

18. SHU UEMURA EYELASH CURLER (haha gaya-gaya)

19. COLOGNE (Floral, not fruity. Greentea would be fine.)

20. SMALL LEATHER WALLET (black, camel or beige only)

21. GODFATHER TRILOGY VCDS. (Sa mundo ko, hindi pa uso ang DVD.)

22. BOO DOLL (Boo, the cute girl in Monsters Inc.)

23. ART OF SEDUCTION by ROBERT GREENE (I need it badly... hahaha)

No thongs for bday/xmas gifts this year, okay? OKAY???

Oh... and gawin nating hotline ang cellphone ko. I'd really appreciate it of you'd call me on my birthday. Huwag lang 2:30-8:30 nasa school ako that time. =p

I'll keep you guys posted. I still don't know how to celebrate my birthday. Tulog na lang kaya ako? Tamang-tama. Wala pa akong birthday na may slumber party. Hahaha!

PHILIPPINE DAILY INQUIRER

2004-11-28T22:54:00.000+08:00

Look for IYA in Dr. Grace Shangkuan Koo's article on PDI today, Nov. 28. K1 Section. Read about the Pay It Forward - inspired stories of the Affective Learning M.A. class.

If you can't get a hard copy, here is the online version

I'm really happy about the article. I think I'd give Dr. Koo a superdoopermighty bearhug on Tuesday. Ü

CELEBRATING SINGLE BLESSEDNESS

2004-11-21T16:03:00.000+08:00

You need to let go. You need to forget. You can shed buckets of tears over your own mistakes but it will never change anything.

SHE WILL NEVER COME BACK TO YOU.

You have to stop fooling yourself that the universe will conspire to get you two together again. The universe doesn’t even think you deserve another chance.

She will not give you another chance.
She's not coming back.

I AM NOT COMING BACK.
I'M HAPPY NOW.

THINGS GONE DIFFERENT

2004-11-15T22:57:00.000+08:00

[ PART ONE ]

How come things look different when you look back at them weeks or months or years later? Why do people see different things from the same thing... Isn't it weird that you'll ever have one life as you know it, that you'll never get to see the world through someone else's eyes for real? Why can't you see the things that are straight in front of you...

And how can one second depict the rest of your life?

That one second came when I was cleaning my hard disk this afternoon. I discovered that I have not yet deleted our picture. We looked so happy. I remember when he sent me the MMS version of it. He said, "Bagay tayo!" to which I replied, "Bagay tayong friends. Sobra. Thanks for the pic."

Hmmm... I looked at the picture again. Bagay nga kami.

But things are different now.

bday.jpeg deleted

-----------------------------------------------------

[PART TWO]

I think I know him,
Yet I don’t
I hear him,
But he isn’t talking to me.
I reach out to touch,
But there is no one there.
I call out his name,
But he doesn’t answer.
I think of him constantly,
Yet he knows none of my existence.
I try to communicate,
But it is truly hopeless.
He comes in dreams,
Where he seems so familiar.
I look at his picture,
I wish he were closer.
I am one of many,
Trying to win his affections.
Gain a place in his heart,
Become part of his soul.
Him and me will never be,
Maybe if things were different…

I've been missing him since August. I missed him so much that I sought refuge from... (refer to part 1)

By September, I was okay. I got used to non-daily YM conversations and rare texting.

By October, I was contented with short YM check-ups (he asks, how I am and I say I'm fine when in fact, I am so not).

By November, I embraced the fact that I can't have July back.

And then, he had to talk to me tonight. The happy month came flashing back, when I had an altogether eccentric and magical feeling that he could be the one I could be happy with. Seems pathetic, I know. Want something more pathetic? I'm betting my life that he thought likewise. That I could be the one he could be happy with.

And then he had to cut the conversation. Ok, au revoir. Bonne Nuit.

Things are diffrent now, I reminded myself.

And I can't be the same.

WHEN THE BESTFRIEND IS RIGHT ... AGAIN

2004-11-13T01:38:00.000+08:00

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DONNE : Stop apologizing to him, okay? He doesn't even deserve an apology.

IYA : Eh... I don't want us fighting.

DONNE : Wala kayong fight kung iiwasan mo na lang siya.

IYA : Eh...

DONNE: Nasaan na yung Iya na kilala ko na warfreak na hindi nagpapatalo sa kahit anong argument at hindi nagsosorry sa mga tao na hindi naman dapat sabihan ng sorry?

IYA: Ayun... na-in love yata...

DONNE: Tanga-tanga talaga non.

IYA: Hoy sumosobra ka na ha!

DONNE : Hehehe...

KEEPING COMMANDMENT 6

2004-11-07T14:05:00.000+08:00

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When my last serious (uhh, define serious...) relationship ended, I made a mental list of rules just to constantly remind me of who to see or keep at bay. I reviewed it this morning and realized that I am a breathing, pathetic irony of a rulemaker and a rulebreaker.

THE SIX COMMANDMENTS

1. I will not go for someone younger than I am.
[Status : violated less than 5x]

2. I will not go for a friend.
[Status : violated less than 3x]

3. I will not go for a baller.
[Status : extremely violated]

4. I will not go for someone who already has a girlfriend.
[Status : violated]

5. I will not go for someone who already has a kid.
[Status : violated]

6. I will not go for someone who already has a wife.
[Status : observed]

I broke--- commandments 3 and 4, because of egotistical reasons... 1, during the 1st week of 1st sem... 2, because I was smitten that a certain friend actually had a crush on me way back and well I liked him, too... 5, because I only knew he already has a child after our 3rd date.

I disobeyed commandments 1, 2, 3, 4 and 5 simultaneously because of one man that I wish would already get out of my orbit. He has already exhausted my quota of goodbyes.

God, please never ever let me bust commandment 6.

HALLOWEEN 2004

2004-11-02T02:42:00.000+08:00

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The Halloween house party I was supposed to attend got cancelled and I wanted to bonk the fuckhead in charge of it. Unfortunately, I couldn’t deduce from Carlo and Donne the name of the person I want to physically injure. I needed to unwind. I needed to find a source of leisure to compensate for the headaches I’ve had in 1st sem and the migraine attacks I am sure to experience this coming 2nd. I needed to find a Halloween gimmick.

Guess what I found?
Work. Yes, work.

Eunice, Viv and I tagged along with Ate H to Bulacan. I doubt it if I can say the exact details of the promotional event we worked on. All I can tell you for now is that it was about the marketing logistics of a certain ISP. There are 3 things I learned from my first stint in the realm of events. (1) The best things in life are free; so don’t throw away that flyer. A freebie might just be stapled on it. (2) The stuck up people are indeed concentrated in an educational institution along Taft… (3) The best longanisa is found in the Nicdao residence/red house in Pampanga.

Oui. From Bulacan, we took our lunch at Guagua, Pampanga so we could visit Ate Kate. The 45 minute drive going to their red house was very well worth it. The longanisa was really by far, the best tasting chunks of cured meat I have ever tasted in my almost 23 years of existence. Their bulalo and sinigang were also worth the 45 minute trip.

I bet that tocino would make a 50 minute trip worth the gas.

The ride back home was quiet. We were all tired and bloated. Yo and I were reserving our remaining energy for later. We thought that we’d just celebrate at Eastwood. Eat, drink and be merry for it is Halloween and not Valentine’s.

After a few hours of rest, we were off to Libis. There were a lot of people in Eastwood Citywalk- a huge population of which are kids parading in their best spooky attire. The people who were not dressed to spook were watching the launch party for Addict Mobile Prepaid. Basement and Blue Onion sucked empty. Kitchie Nadal was there. She sang the current martyr song, Wag na Wag Mong Sasabihin. Twas too much for us too handle. I love her song, but the timing was just way off. I wanted to be spooked, not driven sentimental.

So, we went to Aruba. At first I thought that we should have gone to Bagaberde instead, since Akafellas were there and the band in Aruba was playing stuff like Waiting in Vain, What Might Have Been and For You. I wanted to take a full swig of my frozen margarita and throw the empty glass at them in between curses. Tangina, ayoko sabi ng senti eh! Ayoko ng kalechehan na malungkot!

The truth of the matter is I just didn’t want to remember last year’s Halloween, when I was supreme carnal and utmost drunk. I didn’t want to recount life as a side dish.

I was about to commit hara kiri on the spot using a table knife when the genre shifted in their 2nd set. Yayness! Finally, upbeat music. I got to dance again. Heaven knows I get possessed whenever I hear Beyonce’s Baby Boy. I was happy. Eunice was ecstatic. Her biggest crush said hi to her and tapped her lightly on the shoulder. I swear she’s not going to have her pink top thrown in the laundry.

Oh and who could her crush be? >:p
Clue 1: PBA cager
Clue 2: ex UAAP player
Hell no we ain’t talking about my pseudo ex!
Clue 3: Team FedEx

Olsen Racela of the San Miguel team celebrated his birthday in Aruba and I got to greet him. Haha. Feeling close. =p Yayness times two! Did you know that the reason why he’s named Olsen was because he was born on All Saints’ Day? Get it? Got it? Good. His brothers were named Nash and Wally. Nash was born on National Heroes Day while Wally was born on a day na walang okasyon.

Hahaha. Perfect Halloween. It might not be as memorable as last year’s but at least I didn’t end up sleeping in the bathroom with a terrible hangover the morning after with bitch invisibly written all over me.

Eat, drink, dance, be merry and grind with the perfect stranger--
Who is not exactly a stranger or perfect anymore.
=)

Belated happy Halloween everybody!

UNFILTERED

2004-10-28T14:19:00.000+08:00

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You may forget her name
but not the curves of her face
nor the tender slopes of her breasts

How she hates to be tickled
How you smile when she pouts after telling her that you will never tickle her again
Then you forget your promise after five minutes for that sexy pout you desire
You say sorry in between kisses
And she tries pushing you away
You shift your mouth at the side of her neck
So she would seize resisting

You're melting away
She's melting with you
Just as the night says goodbye to the moon

She rests her head upon your chest
And starts talking about things you don't understand
You just hold her close and breathe softly in her hair

She kisses you on the cheek
You tell her you love her
She whacks you playfully on the arm
Then she looks up to you wide-eyed
More vulnerable than two nights ago
She tells you she loves you too like she always does
But this while you hear her meaning it

You don't understand why she keeps on checking the time
How you hate that she always checks the time

You embrace her for what it seems like the first
You allude how natural it is for your arms to be around her
And you also realize what a stupid fuck you are for noticing just now
That she is your station
She is your home

Just as the night says goodbye to the moon
Two hours before daybreak
You will be lost again

One day you will find yourself in search for her name
In the reminiscence of the curves of her face
and the tender slopes of her breasts

FRAGMENTED MONDAY

2004-10-25T22:29:00.000+08:00

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I arranged my study area and much to my dismay; I found out that a lot of my CDs are not in their proper cases. A chore that should have taken me half an hour to accomplish stretched for almost 2 hours. I saw the Pure Gold CD Nico wanted. I listened to it and I thought that I wouldn't be missing it anyway. He can get it from me on Wednesday. Haha another kaliwaan. Last time was Robert Fulghum's book for mint gum. Now I'm exchanging the CD for pastillas. I wonder what the red wine will be for... I want Iloilo butterscotch.

-----------------------------

Shark Tale! Lenny's so cute. Moronic, but cute. Too bad actual sharks do not feed on planktons. If sharks were all vegetarians; I would not be as paranoid as I am each time he goes surfing.

-----------------------------

I made Mango Kani Salad tonight.

.

Get half a head of lettuce. Tear it into bite-size pieces. Think of the bitch of your life while tearing the lettuce. It's a great stress reliever. Toss into bowl.

Get a large tomato. Remove seeds. Dice. Toss into bowl. My lola told me that you can get appendicitis from eating tomato seeds. I think she's bluffing. But better safe than ... not safe. Hehe.

Get half a medium-sized cucumber. Peel its skin then slice it julienne style. Toss into bowl again. You see, you will toss everything there. So, get your diced ripe mango and shredded crabsticks and toss them there, too.

Dress with 3 tablespoons of evaporated milk, 2 tablespoons of mayonaise and 1/3 teaspoon of wasabi. If you have friends named Haydee Reyes, Nico Andrada and Donne Ylagan, make the wasabi at least 2 teaspoons. That will surely make them happy.

-----------------------------

I realized that if love begins with "Friends lang kami"; it ends with "We're better off as friends." Gee... somewhere lost in denial and remorse, we may have fallen in love.

Haha. ULUL.

-----------------------------

The magic quota of ten. James (2), Wib (2), Nico (4), Mike (1), Kev (2), John (1), Chris (1)... guess who's next...

YEP! The Atenean curse is broken! =) DLSU represent places numero ocho.

=)

I'm smiling because you don't get it.

NOT SO O.C.

2004-10-23T22:09:00.000+08:00

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I have this thing for maintaining my room very clean and organized. My bed is always properly made-up with floral smelling sheets. My shelves are lined with alphabetically arranged pocketbooks and field categorized textbooks. My bedside table is topped with colour coded mini notebooks that contain my poems, essays and short stories.

I am not obsessive compulsive. It’s just that cleanliness and organization assure me that I can find things I want and need without greying my hair in the process or engaging myself in a domestic scavenger hunt.

MY BLUE SKETCHPAD IS MISSING. =`(

I feel such a major slob. It’s not in my room. Not in any of my bags. Not at the lanai. Not in the refrigerator.

If it really got lost and is in your room, bag, lanai or refrigerator; please let me know.

STUCK ON WORDS

2004-10-20T18:14:00.000+08:00

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"YOU KNOW SO WELL WHAT KIND OF MAN HE IS LONG BEFORE YOU DECIDED ON TAKING ANOTHER STEP."
- BELLE

Correction, Belle. He's not a man. He's a boy. No matter how many times he claimed that he is a lot more mature than ......, the fact remains that he is not mature enough to hit boyfriend material. Just as I am not fit to hit girlfriend category.

That makes me a girl for taking the step of moving closer to him, eh?

I'm moving away. I'm an inch closer to being a woman now.

---------------------------

"ISN'T THAT WHAT YOU WANT, A NO STRINGS ATTACHED RELATIONSHIP?"
- MARIE

That's what I thought I wanted.

---------------------------

"MEN ALWAYS WANT WHAT THEY CAN'T HAVE."
- MACKY

Ditto.

"Now you have the best of me, come on and take the rest of me oh baby, my baby."

---------------------------

"YOU SAID HE'S NOT YOUR TYPE!"
- MILES

To quote Sen. Miriam Defensor-Santiago, "I lied."

---------------------------

"A DOZE OF YOUR OWN MEDICINE TASTED LIKE...?"
- RICO

More bitter than raw ampalaya.

DANDELION

2004-10-18T23:03:00.000+08:00

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A dandelion is a weed. It is a pretty weed.

People don’t like to have weeds in their garden, no matter how pretty the weeds are. People trample on the weeds they encounter sprawling in their paths. People normally get to appreciate a dandelion when they realize that it can be blown after they make their wishes on it. They think, eventually they will get their wishes as soon as the remnant of the flower reaches the sky. Then, they forget about the pretty weed as if it never existed.

As the dandelion gets carried off by the wind, it says a prayer only God can hear.
“Lord Almighty, please let me reach the heavens so as to fulfil the wish cast upon me. Make your angels let me glide along their wings for I am too weak to fly alone. Please tell a cloud to transport me in Your arms for by that time I get too high, I might be too tired to carry on. When I reach You, Father God, only then I am certain I could die in perpetual bliss.”

Each time I see a dandelion, I am reminded of another weed. Me.

So long have I known that I exist. Only recently I felt how it is to be alive. I came in contact with my being when you didn’t want me to be in your life garden. You didn’t want me to be scattered along your path. You only tolerate me when I am about to fly away.

But let me tell you this. I don’t hate you for plucking me out of your life garden. For in your garden, I learned how it is to be surrounded by beauty and its opposite. Your garden was my teacher of how to differentiate the authentic from the surreal. It taught me how to be discerning and wise.

I don’t hate your either for not wanting me in your path. You’ve plucked me out already. Stepping on me would destroy the last stalk of dignity breathing in me. You taught me how to survive. You taught me how to be strong.

Thank you for blowing me away. Only in that moment was I cultivated. In your clenched fist, I was small, helpless, and insignificant. But in the trail of your breath I became higher than you are—so high I even carried your dreams with me.

Like I said, I don’t hate you. I don’t hate you no matter how different we are from each other. No need to fret for in my flight to the heavens, I will not leave your hopes, dreams and wishes hanging on a rain cloud. I promise not to let lightning strike them. I promise not to let the thunder frighten them into dust.

Believe that I will embrace your hopes, dreams and wishes across sunshine, moonbeams and angel wings until I rest eternally in the arms of He who made us.

Dandelions can wish, too. You know what my wish is? It is for you to have your wish granted. We are different to a great extent, my bittersweet love, but in the eyes of He who will grant our wishes, we are of the same hope, flying in His bigger garden dotted with stars. He will not pluck both of us out. He will let us fly.

Just as you will have your wish; I will have mine.

*Thank you Robert Fulghum for the dandelion concept. =)

LIGHTBULB EXPERIENCE

2004-10-18T01:32:00.000+08:00

*ting*

I discovered tonight that I will probably grow up to be an old maid- that is after I get to commit a murder of some sort. Can you smell my killing streak now? Gahhh... I hate men. Surely, not for long. I'm bound to love them again.

I love men. I hate boys.

Gahhh.

I also discovered that I am such a forgiving person. I choked on my ube cake when I realized that, mind you. Someone, somebody! Teach me to be heartless, please! Have mercy on me, give me back my pride! I want to be bad again.

But there are no bad girls. There are only good girls with bad habits.

I am the good girl. Forgiveness is the bad habit.

Gahhh... he still owes me a date. He still owes me a book.

He = ?

Gahhh. I will be an old maid with Alzheimer's disease.

KULIT TO HAROT

2004-10-17T19:19:00.000+08:00

I know that I am the type who always likes to get to the bottom of things. I know that external information is artificially satisfying to me. I know that I seek for truth no matter how many warning shots of disappointment there are. I know that I cannot stop at the what of people and things. I want—no—I need to know their how’s and why’s.

Now, I don’t know why Voltaire calls me Iya Kulit.

I don’t know if it mirrors who I really am or who I am becoming. I don’t know if it’s his form of lambing or mockery. I don’t know if it’s my automatic karma for being an authority in carino brutal.

I mean I’m so used being called taray/sungit by people who think that PMS is daily in my bio-makeup; ganda/sexy by people who want free lunch (Hah! Don’t you dare…) and bitch by people who don’t know any better.

But kulit?

Not even my parents call me that, and don’t start hissing that they’ve got to be immune by now.
You see, a couple of months ago, I talked to Voltaire as often as I check my Friendster account, which is practically everyday. But lately, I get to talk to him as frequent as I attend Sunday mass. (Oooh… how many Sundays are there in a week? If your answer is more or less than 1, congratulations! I know a very good psychiatrist…)

That leaves me no time to make him kulit. Right?

Wrong.

He still called me Iya Kulit last week.

Awww… I felt several neural connections of mine snap. Eh hindi na nga ako makulit eh! Hindi na nga tayo nag-uusap! Puro Hi and Good day na nga lang! Na-delete ko na nga number mo! Hindi na nga kita sinusubukan i-mental telepathy! BWAHAHA.

Ok… I’m dragging this entry to the ground because I don’t know how to end it this.

Have I ever told you that I’m hopeful? I can be so hopeful to the point of blindly trusting and believing without questions posed. When I stop hoping; it also means that I have already stopped trusting… and believing.

Have I ever told you that IF I am really makulit; it only means that I am still my hopeful self?

Well, this is not necessarily an ending of my 47th blog entry. I still don’t know how to end this.

Maybe Volt Harot knows how.

** the bit about hoping-believing-trusting, I hope you guys take that in verbatim so as to never again piss me off by bending slash breaking your word. Haha kulit ko nga.

EXISTENTIALLY FRUSTRATED IN PAST TENSE

2004-10-12T17:39:00.000+08:00

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The things that I can't write about; I cry about and
the things that I can't cry about; I write about and

I've been crying nightly since October 2, 2004. Hence, applying the aforementioned principle, I couldn't write about it since October 2, until well... now. (I can't even fathom the extent of courage I am transferring to my pen this very moment.)

Existential frustration is what Viktor Frankl would have said I experienced. In my 22 years of existence have my security and safety been stripped off. My beliefs devalued. My inward faith shook. (People: my parents are not getting separated. I do not have any STD. I have not discovered that I was adopted.)

My problem's not gargantuan compared to the Philippines' economic crisis. It's not as pressing as a dying patient's need for organ transplant. It's quite common if YOU really think about it. (Of course even if you exhaust all your neural capabilities, I'm still not gonna tell you what it is- unless you mean a lot to me.) For you, my problem may seem common. To me, it is a rarity. As I mentioned earlier, my safety and security have been stripped off. Maybe for a few days, anyway. I searched and sorted my disarrayed thoughts and emotions, trying to defy the premature notion of my beliefs, devalued. I did not live this long (or short, you decide) only to get my principles trampled on. Errr... what principles am I talking about?

I needed guidance. From who else?
GOD.

He engineered my cognitive construct and suddenly, structures of long kept philosophies appeared higher and stronger like never before.

[1.] I love my parents. There are only 3 of us in the family. (Ok, 4 including Twinkle.) Loving them includes learning and living the core principles they have taught me since I was young.

"Anak, hindi tayo mahirap- pero mas lalong hindi tayo mayaman. Ang mahalaga ay importante. Ang sagot sa problema ay solusyon. Tumulong sa kapwa hanggat kaya. Always be humble."

The midpart, I guess came from my dad. He's a frustrated comedian, I think. Anyway, God made me remember the virtues I always tend to forget- simplicity, compassion and humility. I know it's not too much to ask from Him to engrave these principles in my mind so I will live them in perpetuate. I also know that like superglue; they will suffice in holding me and the people I love the most- my Mama and Daddy.

For crying out loud, Twinkle is my doll.

[2.] "The hardest thing in growing up is growing apart."
----- Circle of Friends, 1994

Literally.

My friends are a very understanding lot. Surely, they will take advantage of modern technology. Surely, they will text me (or call me at unfrugal times). Surely, they will hop in the next MRT and stop at the Boni station to pay me a visit in a few months time. And for the life of me, as emotionally primitive as it may seem; surely they will miss me as much as I will miss them, Concha Cruz Drive, ATC and the isaw at Phase 1.

[3.] Ask me 3 years ago to describe myself in a word and I would answer you with, "Resilient" complete with my trying hard- nigga head bop and hand move saying "Bounce, baby, bounce."

That has been my mission statement after surviving psychological holocaust (aka reputation ruin). I chose to move on. I refused to live in the scrutinizing eyes of people who did nothing but scheme on how to make my life miserable. I rejected the idea of being a 2nd rate version of myself.

I am a ball in the guise of a superwoman. (at least that's what I convinced myself to be.) My life ball programmed to bounce every fall, rising in the tempo of my Creator's will.

And I asked on the fateful night of Oct 2, what happened? Why can't I bounce?

I contemplated on why I had claimed that I was not suicidal. I thought I was brave. But nay, it wasn't because of braveness that I never took away my life. It's because I have never had a chance to experience a big-enough-problem to make me feel severely desolate.

And I thought I was suffering from existential frustration for 2 weeks now.

God probably heard my covert prayers and laughed. In between thunderous sheets of laughter (that I guess only angels and dead peopel heard) He told me, "The answer to your prayer has always been around you- in your face even. I thought you said you're a ball. Go ahead. Bounce."

I wish God said that with a head bop and hand move.

So, hope triumphed over experience. My inward faith has been strengthened. My lifeball bobbing again in His improved, edited will for me.

Existentially frustrated, I am no more.

Probably, I never even was.

I've cried. I've written. I feel better now.

BIOPSYCHOSOCIAL RIDE

2004-10-03T21:37:00.000+08:00

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The past 2 weeks have provided me an intense biopsychosocial ride. Think Disneyland- not Enchanted Kingdom, or think bungee jumping with the bungee longer than the jump.

>>> 092304 Thursday
The Cosmo Bachelor Bash at the NBC Tent didn't quite rock my socks. Sure, Uniz and I had some shrieking, screaming, hyperventilating moments courtesy of KFC boy, Brent Javier, Edward Mendez and James Zablan (Can you say Happymeal?), but Borgy Manotoc wasn't there. Tsk tsk. We were shortchanged of the main course.

>>> 092404 Friday
I haven't had a decent sleep since I saw the movie, Feng Shui. I am a fraidy cat born 1981, year of the rooster. Ricco's friends were right. Feng Shui of Kris Aquino was a mixture of The Eye, The Ring, The Grudge, The Others and THE BUZZ.

>>> 092704 Monday
I despise people who don't confirm important matters that I anticpate highly on.

Kung tuloy, eh di tuloy. Magtext at sabihin ng matino. Kung hindi tuloy, eh di hindi. Magtext at sabihin pa rin ng matino. Pag sinabi na around 8pm, huwag magtext 12pm the day after.

Kung tayo, eh di tayo. Kung hindi tayo, wag tayong magfeeling na tayo. Hmmm... where did that come from?

>>> 092904 Wednesday
I finished 4 papers for the finals period. I have 4 exams to go. Lord, help me. I am not an intellectual masochist.

>>> 093004 Thursday
After my Ed Anthro report, I rushed my ass to the Fishing Port resto at Malate for Donne's event.

I couldn't resist my bestfriend, I know. I couldn't resist tequila, either. It was a night of barkada bonding and bodyshots marathon.

Oh and I have an ugly smudged henna tat remnant on my right breast. Any tips on how to get rid of the henna? Message me, please.

>>> 100104 Friday
Happy birthday, Eunice! Happy Oktoberfest everybody!

Eunice, Ricco and I checked out the Oktoberfest thingie at meralco Ave and got automatically dimayed. So, we went to Capones (Makati) instead. Uyyy si Jay Server...

Coffee, coffee... we desire coffee...

Figaro and Starbucks were still closed. A-ha! BF Carinderia! Woo-hoo. Arroz Caldo, Puto Bumbong, Tokwa't Baboy, Cuchinta and INSTANT coffee!

My greatest gimmick for the past 6 months, most def. =)

>>> 100204 Saturday
I had my biggest heartache this day. the problems I have had seem miniscule now... It's a family thing. I feel lost. I feel like going away.

I am not yet ready to get off the Boni MRT Station.

>>> 100304 Sunday
Today's gospel/homily was about clinging on to one's faith.

I better cling onto mine as tight as a virgin girl then.

READ BEFORE ANOTHER MONDAY

2004-09-26T22:41:00.000+08:00

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I read her work
Her words are full of pain
But never mentioning your name
Just like mine

I'm sure you have a fair idea that we're talking about you, anyway.
Are you enjoying the written compliments?
Does it compensate for the lack of spoken flattery?

Did you know that she loved you?
Maybe she still loves you
Like I love you now
Or like you loved me before

I know you loved her, too.
Last year, when you broke it off;
I called you and you were half drunk, half crying.
I was there when you needed me.
Plus, I didn't like her for you- because you're my friend!
You're such a dear friend,
That the thought of us being together was unthinkable.

But the moment I realized I couldn't get you out of my mind
Was also the time you were happy being my friend-
Just my friend.

Last year you broke her heart
Is this year my turn?

Convince me otherwise
Love me for more than three nights
Let's save the fourth

EXERCISING LOGOTHERAPY

2004-09-24T17:26:00.000+08:00

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The two week hell period is about to start. I need to finish 19 requirements for 4 M.A. and 1 undergrad subjects. I am not (yet) cramming, trust me.

School is school is school.

I'm so tired. I've only had 4 hours of sleep since I slept over at Eunice's after the Cosmo Bash at the NBC tent. F.Y.I. Eunice is from Paranaque. I had to go back to Q.C. at 7am. Ate Haydee, Ate Kate, Vivian and I watched Feng Shui 2 hours ago.

Girls' day out. Weee... and we're having dinner out later.

I'm tired and sleepy.

This must be God's way of helping me de-emphasize my emotional disturbances. Thank you God.

Have you thanked Him lately?
=)

MASASAMANG UGALI

2004-09-23T16:55:00.000+08:00

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Mayabang ako; alam ko yun. Pasalamat na lang ako sa Diyos na kaya kong aminin. Ang yabang ko kasi nasabi ko sa sarili ko na kaya kong tiisin na hindi siya kausapin sa loob ng isang buwan.

Siyempre hindi ko nagawa.

Aba, hindi lang ako mayabang. Makulit pa ako. Pang-apat na beses ko na yata siya sinubukang kausapin. Kapag nagkataon, magiging apat na beses na rin niya ako hindi pinapansin.

Hindi naman siguro sinungaling ang tawag doon sa hindi ko pagtupad nung nauna kong sinabi, kasi hindi ko naman sinadya na hindi tuparin ang tinakda kong gawin. Hindi ko lang kasi mapigilan ang sarili ko na magparamdam sa kanya.

Mainipin kasi ako. Sa isang linggo halos trentang ulit ko sasabihin na "Patience is not my Virtue." kasi, ewan. Ganun nga yata talaga.

Matampuhin rin pala ako. Nasasaktan ako kapag hindi ako pinapansin kahit konti ng taong kahit paano naiisip ko na bibigyan ako kahit na isang minuto lang g 24 na oras niya. Kapal ko naman, sino nga ba ako sa kanya? Naman, naman, naman. Bigla ba naman kasi ako tigilan na lang kausapin, `di ba? Sa lahat ng matalino; siya ang malabo.

Ayun... kaya ilang gabi na rin ako umiiyak bago matulog. Iyakin yata ang tunay kong pangalan kaya ako naging Iya... di kaya?

Kapag umaga naman, ang sakit ng mga mata ko dahil humagulgol nga ako bago matulog. Ang masama pa nun, kapag ginala ko ang mga mata kong namumugto sa kisame at sa mga dingding ng aking kwarto, mas nalulungkot lang ako.

...pero, hindi na ako pwede umiyak; mayabang kasi ako. Paglabas ko ng kwarto ko, sa dakong tanghali, dapat ang alam ng lahat, wala akong nasayang na luha. Dapat ang alam ng lahat hindi ko siya iniyakan.

Sabay, binubuking ko ang sarili ko dito.

Ang galing.

*Sa mga nagtatanong sa akin kung sino ang sinasabi kong tao sa mga nakaraan kong sinusulat, asa pa kayo na sasabihin ko sa inyo. Kung ako sa inyo, huwag niyo na lang itanong. Pero pustahan tayo, mali ang iniisip niyo.

YOU CAN NEVER FOOL ME FOUR - ON "MELANISMS"

2004-09-23T16:49:00.000+08:00

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These are the lines allegely said by actress slash model, Melanie Marquez. I guess this would have to compensate for my ngawngaw section for now.

- I won't stoop down to my level.

- Hello? Bulag ka ba? Bingi ka ba? Are you dep?

- 'Yung STD, baka sa maruming toilet lang niya nakuha yan.

- Eh, ikaw ba naman, durugin ang ari mo... Pag di ka naman manutok ng baril.

- We are lovers, not fighters.

- My brother is not a girl; he's a gentleman.

- That's why I'm a success, it's because I don't middle in other people's lives.

- Don't judge my brother; he's not a book.

- Kapatid ko pa rin siya. We are one and the same.

- I don't eat meat. I'm not a carnival.

- Eto na po ang pinakamaligayang pasko at manigong taon sa inyong lahat. (During her acceptance speech at a Metro Filmfest awards night where her bioflick, directed by her late father Temyong Marquez, won an award.

- Sumasakit ang migraine ko.

- Ang tatay ko ang only living legend na buhay!

- Period na talaga; wala nang exclamation point. (When asked on S-Files if her present husband, Adam Lawyer, is her Mr. Right.).

- At a talk show after her break-up with Derek Dee, Melanie was asked if she had some words for Derek's mother (whom she partly blamed for the separation). "Oo nga," said Melanie, "pero i-English-in ko para maintindihan niya." She looked into the camera and, with the peremptoriness of royalty, said, "And to you, Mrs. Dee, I have two words for you. Ang labo mo!"

- When asked for a message to her daughter who was allegedly abused by their houseboy: "Don't worry little angel, big angel is here."

- On what they should do to the houseboy who molested her kid: "He should be put behind bar."

- "You can fool me once, you can even fool me twice, you can even fool me thrice. But you can never fool me four"

- While waiting backstage during a noontime show, after watching Nikki Valdez do her dance number. "Nikki, you're so galing. You should go to the States. You will sell hotcakes"

AFTER THE ULTIMATUM, CAME THE HINT

2004-09-21T14:28:00.000+08:00

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[ PART 1 ]

NICO said that I should take a hint.

Well last night the drained ultimatum became more than that. It was a screaming piece of personal stupidity extension gone kaput. Count on me to prolong the acceptance of pain. Hay-yay-yay.

So, THE OTHER GUY didn't call.

Now what? I dug my emotional grave, a shithole that I am not willing to use now, anytime soon or at least until I lose my stardust.

He's gone, but I don't hate him for it.

I hated myself for extending the pain that I should have never gone through in the first place. (Almost) falling for him didn't make even half-a-sense. He is intangible. He is infeasible. This is what I call the Atenean-curse. (paging my friends from La Salle...)

The OTHER MAN is gone and I can't hate myself forever. Fuck it. I can't even hate myself for another second.

Going back, NICO said that I should take a hint. I would like to share my misery.

[ PART 2 ]

WHAT'S UP WITH OPEN RELATIONSHIPS? Did you see that option in friendster? Can you please tell me what it actually means? I am ignorant and you would have to excuse my babblinG. Babbling, unless you feel in the deepest caverns of your heart that you can relate.

So, if GIRL A is friends with BOY A for quite a time now and they started going out, what are they? Friends (with fringe benefits) that go out? Ok...

If GIRL A is trying to forget BOY B by going out with BOY A, what does that make her? A bitch seeking spare tire? And if BOY A is going out with GIRL A because there is no other girl he is left to go out with, what is he? Asshole settling for anything?

To make the hypothetical situation more confusing, WOMAN A tells GIRL A, "Umamin ka na nga! Matagal mo na gusto si -BOY A-. Para kayong tanga. Tagal tagal niyo na ganyan. Nauubos na oras wala pa rin sa inyo nangyayari! Mga sira ulong bata kayo!"

BOY A sang GIRL A's song.

It's the favourite song of GIRL A's KUYA 1 who never had the guts to tell FRIEND 1 how much he loved her.

So, is that an open relationship or...

IS THAT A RELATIONSHIP WAITING TO HAPPEN?

[ PART 3 ]

FRIENDS
- Mike Francis

Come on my friend
and leave your caution to the wind
I KNOW WE USE TO KEEP THAT FEELING OUT OF SIGHT
It's getting stronger
I feel it burning in my mind
slowly teasing me it's growing deep inside

Come on and lay your tender lips down on my skin
show me how sweet and easy it can be...
Let us stick together
and make it happen...

I won't think it over again
I'll take you to the top
tell of your hidden thoughts
come on let me move you again
I'll do the best I can
MAKE ME TREMBLE WITH YOUR BREATH

Come on my friend
and leave your caution way behind
I wanna love your body till the morning light
watch me my friend
I feel you reachin' in my mind
THOUGH I KNOW WE'LL BE IN LOVE (?) JUST FOR ONE NIGHT
I KEEP ON TRYING TO CHANGE MY POINT OF VIEW AGAIN
but everything seems to be the same
I want you where you are now
I don't wanna lose you

This was the song on repeat mode last night. Thank God it was Nico's unlucky night because "What Might Have Been" wasn't available at Molo's playlist. Lucky night for me. Otherwise, I would have died on "Somewhere lost in the wind I'm watching you, sunlight touching your face..."

Hmmm... come to think of it, this just might be a song almost always dedicated to the wrong people.

RIGHT, IYA? I hope I'm giving this to the right one now.

Now I'm ready this time
I know that I'm no longer undecided
Don't wanna be a fool wondering
What might have been

*sigh*

I'm NOT even talking about the OTHER MAN.

[ PART 4 ]

NICO said that I should take a hint.

So, I did.

WHAT IS STUPID?

2004-09-17T20:45:00.000+08:00

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WHAT IS STUPID?
My September 15, 2004 entry

WHAT IS MORE STUPID?
I have no plans of deleting it.

DEAR YOU

2004-09-15T15:35:00.000+08:00

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Did I cross your mind today?

Am I still your drug?

Are you busy?
No... Are you REALLY busy?

Does December still mean something to you?
Something----> someone -----> me?

Are you avoiding me?
Why?
Not interested anymore? Scared?
Did you know that I felt like kicking myself the last time I texted you?

Are you happy?

Were there stars last night?
Did you remember me when you saw them?

Do you still read my blog every chance you get?
Did it ever occur to you that you're the key figure in "The Most Beautiful Dream" and "Lumpia, Turon at si Fairy Godmother?"

Am I sill more appealing than Jessica because I have a functioning brain?

Do you still want to hurt ------------- because he kissed me and I kissed back?

Do you still believe in all that fate, destiny, magic shit?
Or did I make you forget?

When did I become your routine?
Does routine actually mean boring?
Am I boring?
Or are you?

Are you still planning (or plotting) on getting me drunk?

Do you still write?

Do you still care about me?
Did you ever care about me at all?

Do you think these questions are for you? (Or at least hoping...)

IF YOU DO; THEN YOU WILL CALL ME ON OR BEFORE THE 20th.

IF YOU DON'T...
okay. It's been nice knowing you.

VIRGIN STATE OF CONFUSION

2004-09-11T23:21:00.000+08:00

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The northern sky boasted
Waves turned into a lyrical masterpiece
Stars secretly crashed one by one

Far were the waves
Farther were the stars
But they came to me
Middle of July

Short of a hundred days and you're gone
How do I forget December and your name
What do I have that made you easily forget
I thought we had until November to remain

Do the stars know?
Did the waves hear?
Did the sky see your reason I could not understand?

You're gone because you already knew
That I was the one
Who ordered the Northern sky to boast
In the middle of July

----------------------------------------------------------------

I'm just missing someone TOO much. I'm sorry; all I want is a small fraction of his 24/7. I should get over soon or at least before I turn 23!

F.Y.I. This is not for someone I love. Really.

WHAT FRIENDSTER BOYS UNDERSTAND

2004-09-10T23:40:00.000+08:00

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FINE! MY ANSWERS!

TEST 1
1. What pattern do you prefer most on your boxers?
a. checks
b. stripes
c. solid colors
d. funny pictures
ANSWER: C (Hey I also have boxers. Bleh!)

2. How do you like your hotdog?
a. plain
b. with mustard
c. with ketchup, catsup (dammn the spelling)
d. with the works (relish, chili, cheese...)
ANSWER: D (lots and lots of cheese)

3. If you were organizing a friend's bachelor party, what kind of bash would you most likely plan?
a. a golf outing
b. an extreme sport or adventure activity like white-water rafting
c. a strip club excursion
d. casino na 'to!
ANSWER: C (I'm supposed to be arranging the bridal shower, eh? But ok... believe it or not, a bachelor party should be letter C. Sorry girls! =p)

4. The sexiest part of a girl's body is. her..
a. breasts
b. legs
c. butt
d. eyes
ANSWER: D (But sexiest part of a man's body? Pag pangit arms, ayoko na. >:) So that chops off half of the cute guys I know. =p)

-------------------------

TEST 2
1. Would you rather...
a. make millions in blockbusters
b. win an academy award
ANSWER: B (Heavy drama stuff)

2. Would you rather...
a. have lots of fun appetizers
b. have one amazing gourmet dish
ANSWER: B (coz I don't wanna be a playah no mo... hehe =p nah... I was never really fond of appetizers. They spoil the important part of the meal.)

3. Would you rather...
a. take a 3-week trip through Europe
b. take a 3-week trip to a a resort in Bali
ANSWER: A (but I want to go to Bali, too)

4. would you rather...
a. be the guy buying everyone a drink
b. be the bartender serving them
ANSWER: B (wala gusto ko lang)

-------------------------

TEST 3
IF YOU WERE TO BE A DOG, WHAT BREED WOULD YOU BE?
a. labrador
b. beagle
c. pug
d. husky
ANSWER: B (but when I read what it meant... I realized that I should have chosen labrador. =p)

-------------------------

TEST 4
QUICK! IF YOU NEED TO EVACUATE YOUR APARTMENT RIGHT AWAY, WHICH 3 THINGS WOULD YOU GRAB FROM THIS LIST:

badminton racket
computer
photos
wallet
favorite book
keys
guitar
cellphone
pet
clothes

ANSWERS: wallet, photos, computer

-------------------------

TEST 5
IF YOU WERE IN A BAND, WHAT INSTRUMENT WOULD YOU MOST LIKELY PLAY?

guitar
stand-up bass
keyboard
drums
or you would be the singer?

ANSWER: DRUMS (haha kala niyo singer, noh?)

-------------------------

TEST 6
1. You come to a body of water. what kind of water is it?
a. lake
b. ocean
c. river
ANSWER: B

2. What does the water look like?
a. clear
b. foamy
c. dark, deep
ANSWER: C

3. How do you swim in the water?
a. head above water
b. dive below the surface
c. float on your back
ANSWER: B (and prolly drown afterwards)

4. You feel something circling your feet. you immediately assume it is...
a. sand
b. fish
c. seaweed or plants
ANSWER: B (nemo!)

INTERPRETATION?
I am physically insecure.
I am emotionally disabled.
I am psychologically incapacitated.
Like some of you. ;)

Oh no... I'm just pulling your leg.
I'm averagely abnormal like you.

BORGY MANOTOC, MY BROTHER

2004-09-07T16:32:00.001+08:00

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The dictum "tall dark and handsome" is epitomized in my brother Borgy Manotoc.

WHOOPS!

I meant Joel Abril. You must forgive me because of their uncanny resemblance and yes... for superfluous literary purposes.

This Borgy-Enrico-Rainier (blech?!) look alike hunk of a man made an impact in my life when we got to be classmates in Gender Studies because of the "What-did-he-did" incident. I knew from that moment on that I'm a God sent angel tasked to redeem Joel.

Before that, I've already been seeing him on campus and in our tambayan. I only knew him then as the tall ex of my friend, Margaux. Likewise, he only saw me as the urban legend of our feeling-highschool college.

It's quite easy to like Joel. He became the spoiled baby brother of the barkada effortlessly. I remember Japster and I making extra sandwiches so he could be fed properly during lunch time. He was entitled to get my cigarettes without having to say, "Pa-bum." He became my student in the excellent, but (very) unknown UP Dos (University of Pusoy Dos, not in any way related to the University of the Philippines).

A very intellectually stimulating person, he is. Having him around as a coffee buddy and beer binge mate is a sure way to keep the conversation going on and on and on. He is my segue combat sparring partner, especially when it's his love issues being talked about (or sexual exploits?). :p

Of all the baby brothers I have, he is the most overprotective. (Over all guard of the ladies is still Kuya Philip.) I bethink the instance when he fought for my reputation back in college. It still makes me smile. Thanks again, bro.

He belongs to the rare breed of men, the soon to extinct sensitive lot. Although sometimes, he drapes along to borderline emotional. He easily sense if I am- or any friend for that matter- experiencing an off peak or a hyper mode.

He never fails to appreciate, big and small deeds alike, which makes it easy to do stuff to make him happy. Parang ako yan- mababaw.

Loyalty may be the greatest attribute of Joel. Faye is surely one of the luckiest girls this side of the planet. (Right Joel? Say yes. Damn it, say yes! Hehe)

Of course he's not perfect. Nobody is. No friendship could be so. Just last Saturday he broke the record of the number of times he teased me about my "flatchestedness". To which I sweetly retaliated, "Tangina mo. Grass ka."

And yes, he is not easily offended either.

Then the following night, I showed him pictures of "Lauren", the girl that gives me top-grade insecurity. Lauren is the ex-girlfriend of the man who is oblivious to his destiny that is moi! ;)

Joel, the sweet, sensitive, loyal baby brother of mine immediately reacted upon seeing the pictures, "Lauren's gorgeous! Iya... sis... sorry ha. Ok ka lang?"

Ouch... my fragile, diminishing ego.

Hahahaha I'm fine Joel. You're still no. 1 on my bebe brother list. You're just damnstraight honest. Sincere ka nga, bastos ka lang. =p

I love you, bro. I always will. You know that.

LUMPIA, TURON AT SI FAIRY GODMOTHER

2004-09-03T19:39:00.000+08:00

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I try not to eat after 6pm so I stuff myself full on lunchtime. Yesterday was no different (or so I thought). I ate a huge lunch and at 4:30pm, I decided to drink a mug of hot chocolate while watching the UP-ADMU game so I wouldn't feel hungry during my 5:30-8:30pm Educational Anthropology class. I left the house bloated.

6:00pm and I felt extremely hungry. T*ngina bakit ako gutom? I tried to suppress my hunger by actively participating in class, but it failed.

6:15, I went down to the ground floor to buy cookies from the mini canteen.

Sarado ang mini canteen. Pucha! Hanggang 7pm pa dapat yun ha!

So I went in front of the building in the hopes of finding the monay-buko juice man.

Wala rin siya. Lecheng buhay ito.

Then I saw an old lady selling turon, carioca, bananacue and lumpia who was about to leave.

"Manang, sandali! Pabili muna ng lumpia!"

I bought turon, too.

For reasons unimaginable, I liked her. She kept on smiling her almost toothless smile. For more reasons unimaginable, I asked something I do not normally ask people. Make that, never asked any one.

"Manang, kumusta naman po ang benta niyo?"

"Ok naman. Malaki na rin ang tubo ko. Pabalik na ako sa amin."

"Saan po ba kayo?"

"Sa may Balara, sa may Fairview."

She took a stick of carioca and bananacue and said, "Dalhin mo na ito, hija."

"Busog na po ako! thank you na lang po!"

"Wala namang bayad. Kunin mo na."

"Wag na po..."

"Natutuwa ako sa'yo ang bait-bait mo eh. Ipamigay mo na lang kung gusto mo."

She smiled that almost toothless smile again and I knew I couldn't win.

"Sige po. Thank you."

I looked behind me, again and again. I had to go back the classroom. Need to finish eating.

"Hija, may hinihintay ka?"

"Wala po, Manang."

"May hinihintay ka."

"Wa-"

"Huwag kang mag-alala, bago matapos ang taon, darating."

Omigod... What is this old lady talking about?

"Ano po manang?"

"Darating siya."

"Manang, sino ang darating?"

"Di ba napanaghinipan mo pa nga kagabi?"

Why and how the bloody hell did she know about my dream last night?

"ANO PO SABI NIYO?!?"

"Anong sinabi ko?"

"Manang, sino ang darating?"

"Darating? Ang sabi ko masarap iyang carioca."

"Manang..."

I wanted her to explain everything but it looked as if she really couldn't remember anything. I really needed to go back the classroom.

"Ano nga uli ang pangalan mo, hija?"

"Iya po. Kayo po?"

I chanted her name until the 3rd floor. the moment I stepped inside the classroom her name vanished.

God help me. I need to see her again.

THE MOST BEAUTIFUL DREAM

2004-09-03T01:33:00.000+08:00

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Facing the sea, I tried to paint the two most important men of my life- my husband, Enzo and my almost three year old son, Miguel. They were happily chasing each other by the waters.

"Paano ko naman kayo mape-paint eh ang gulo-gulo nyo!" I shouted

"Mommy join us!" Miguel replied.

Maternal blood prevailed and I surrendered to his invitation.

As I saw myself walking towards them, I noticed that I was already cradling Sofia, my morena baby daughter, who was then tugging the string of my bikini top.

As soon as I reached them, my husband got Sofia from me. Miggy held my hand, shook it vigorously. His chubby face and chinito eyes spelled mischief.

"Mommy, hold daddy's hand!"

And so the dream ended. I kept the beautiful visions in my head, labelling them as impossible since Enzo and I are not together anymore. Surely, there's no way for us to reconcile. So there, it was a dream of three years ago, nothing more.

Until last night. The continuation was delivered.

"...Mommy, hold daddy's hand!"

As I reached for my husband's hand, I finally noticed a disarming familiarity of his face.

He's not Enzo.

But I know him. I think I do. What the hell's he doing in my dream? Why now? No wonder, my hubby in my dream is sexy. Of course, three years ago I assumed that he's Enzo since he was my boyfriend back then.

"Honey, are you disappointed?" he asked as if he read my mental rant and rave portion.

"I'm not disappointed. I just wish this is real."

"Of course this will be, Iya."

Then I started crying.
I woke up crying.

BUTTERCUP MODE

2004-08-31T18:48:00.000+08:00

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Dear Men,

I guess I pity you really. You'll never know what it is to be a woman and have the incredible all-fucking-mighty wonderousness that comes from being friends with a good woman. Maybe that's why you like to make us cry so much. You're jealous.

But listen here. I don't care that you get paid better wages than us, that you fuck with our careers and our lives and our happiness because we have tits and a womb. Fuck you. Water off a duck's back.

The thing is you can't really hurt us that badly. We may cry but we move on, we get better, eventually we laugh. And we seldom go on killing sprees because our penises are too short.

And when you're gone, screwing a dental nurse 20 years our junior, you know what? We still end up winning. Because when you're gone, we've still got each other. And eventually the dental nurse will sag, but you'll sag more and all the money in world won't get you the kind of unbelievable joy we get out of our friendships.

So go ahead. Screw Anna-Nicole Smith when you're 98. Have an orgasm. Lie, cheat, whatever. Go mad, why don't you. We can have orgasms too, and half the time they're better when you're not there anyway. But we get each other too at the end of the day, and that's better than multiples, boys.

Believe that.

[This has been a public service announcement on behalf of the women I love. You know who you are]

I AM BUTTERCUP OF THE POWERPUFF GIRLS. HAAAAAA-YAHHH!!!

I WILL BE LOVED

2004-08-27T13:35:00.000+08:00

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SING THIS. THINK OF ME.

She Will Be Loved
by Maroon 5

Beauty queen of only eighteen
She had some trouble with herself
He was always there to help her
She always belonged to someone else

I drove for miles and miles
And wound up at your door
I've had you so many times but somehow
I want more

I DON'T MIND SPENDING EVERYDAY
OUT ON YOUR CORNER IN THE POURING RAIN
LOOK FOR THE GIRL WITH THE BROKEN SMILE
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
And she will be loved

Tap on my window, knock on my door
I WANT TO MAKE YOU FEEL BEAUTIFUL
I know I tend to get so insecure
It doesn't matter anymore

IT'S NOT ALWAYS RAINBOWS AND BUTTERFLIES
IT'S COMROMISE THAT MOVES US ALONG
My heart is full and my door's always open
You come anytime you want

I know where you hide
Alone in your car
Know all of the things that make you who you are
I KNOW THAT GOODBYE MEANS NOTHING AT ALL
Comes back and begs me to catch her every time she falls

Tap on my window, knock on my door
I want to make you feel beautiful

Please don't try so hard to say goodbye
Please don't try so hard to say goodbye

CONFESSION THURSDAY

2004-08-26T20:42:00.000+08:00

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1. I laugh at porn - literally.
2. I am an emotional masochist, not physical. (But there is an exception...)
3. Trick or treat means having to wear a popular all-girl school uniform tainted with blood.
4. I have a "pambibitin" talent literally and figuratively.
5. I think I required an ill-rep as a consequence of #4.
6. Sex is an occasional subject of my recent dreams. They say that dreams tend to show a person's repressed side.
7. I refuse to get married without enroling at least 6 PhD units.
8. I spiked someone's drink when she went to the restroom. When she finished her drink; she went to the restroom again and again and again and again...
9. For some weird reasons, December is already making me sad.

Finally,

10. I have a crush on a friend. =) Go figure.

NOT MADE TO BE UNDERSTOOD

2004-08-24T20:45:00.001+08:00

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LAST WEEK WAS HELL WEEK.

Wondering where he is
Wandering as if I'd find him
Sacrificed the weekend
Ended in disappointment

Couldn't blame him
For the headache
That a night's worth of tears gave

Made a deal with God
Asked for a signal
Not a sign
Slept again
After banging my head on the wall

Couldn't blame him
He does not know
I believe he does not know

12:00 pm
No message
I would turn away
Walk, walk, walk
I would not go very far
I couldn't startle him with change
for confusion will lead him to an answer

God gave me the signal
I saw it

He returned
I didn't forget the signal
I ignored the 12:00 pm - no message - walk away deal

I couldn't walk at all.
I couldn't walk without him holding my hand.
I couldn't confuse him.
I should not let him know yet.

Vicious cycle
I don't know where he is again.
I'm still wondering,
Wandering...

NEEDING A GREGORIAN CHANT

2004-08-18T21:55:00.001+08:00

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Trap the voices in my heart
Let them resonate in sadness
Never dreamt but disillusioned
Once wished but unrequited
Charge me five hundred twenty tears before I sleep
Tomorrow is a predictable new day
Still resonating in sadness

OPEN MOUTH. INSERT LEG. REPEAT.

2004-08-17T20:47:00.000+08:00

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There are many things in this world that suck.

Among these completely suckfull things is spending an entire evening hoping the phone will ring and then, when it does, it's not the person you had hoped it would be.

In this way, caller id is both a blessing and a curse.

As a blessing, caller id allows you wait a few rings before answering the phone so as not to appear too eager. It also allows you to affect a breezy tone, as if to say "Oh. Huh. It is (just) you. Quelle surprise. While it is nice that you have phoned, I certainly don't want to give you the impression I have been hoping that you would call. Because, really, that would be rather desperate and sad. And if there are two things I am not, desperate and sad would be...um...some of them."

Caller id also destroys all glimmers of hope-- immediately. It is the opposite of instant gratification. Plus, you sound like an asshole when you answer the phone because it's obvious you're disappointed. These are ways in which it is a curse.

And, God help you if you have some sort of super-fancy phone that lets you assign specific ringtones to individuals. Then your disappointment can set in from a distance. You don't even have to get up off of the couch to get disappointed.

God bless technology.

Of course, the other part that sucks is the part where you're so damn stubborn that you won't just pick up the phone call him yourself.

But, for purposes of today's exercise, we'll just focus on section A.

Of course, I may be talking about the Yahoo Messenger.

SUPEREGO TRASHBIN

2004-08-17T20:05:00.001+08:00

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What was the 1st thought that crossed ur mind this morning?
= To jog or not to jog? Not to jog. ZzzzzZzzzz...

What makes you cry?
= Movies about fate, destiny and all such crap that I ENJOY watching

What is ur fave breakfast?
= Tapsilog or Pancakes with maple syrup, vienna sausages, bacon and sunny side up

What's that one thing you wanna do right now?
= Drinking session with someone I need to get drunk with so I can say things I can't say when I am just a sober coward and a half

What comes into ur head when u hear the word...

beach = red bikini hehehe
picture frames = vanity
sports = cheerleading hehehe
boxer shorts = my all boxed up and regatta collection =p
poems = neruda
wind = my favorite blue cardigan
philosophy = existentialism
color red = virgin sacrifice hahaha
baby = me!

What do you find sexy in a guy/girl?
= the suplado/mayabang-looking type =p LOOKING lang ha

What do you do when stressed or angry?
= Write, drinking session, smoke, SCREAM, introspect, walk, talk to my bestbuds

What was the best peace offering given to you?
= dried mangoes =)

What's your ideal romantic getaway?
= -----

What's the worst thing that could happen to you right now?
= Fall in love with the idea of being in love

What's the best thing that has happened to you this month?
= Knock knock. Uyyy prospect! =p

What's the sweetest thing that a person has ever done for you this month?
= Remember me while I was far away from home =)

What's the best way to anger you?
= Don't do something I am expecting you to do

What's your most cherished memory?
= Childhood memories in Bataan, college-barkada memories, first love memories, thesis mems! =p

What are your Xmas plans?
= Complete the simbang gabi, binge on bibingka =)

What would you want to scream right now?
= DARNA!

A CINDERELLA STORY

2004-08-15T13:49:00.000+08:00

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I watched it.

Enough said.

SWAY

2004-08-13T21:08:00.000+08:00

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Sway
(OST - American Pie... so loved the part when this was played)
- Bic Runga

Don't stray, don't ever go away
I SHOULD BE MUCH TOO SMART FOR THIS
You know it gets the better of me
Sometimes, when you and I collide
I fall into an ocean of you, pull me out in time
Don't let me drown, let me down
I say it's all because of you
And here I go, losing my control
I'M PRACTICING YOUR NAME SO I CAN SAY IT TO YOUR FACE
It doesn't seem right, to look you in the eye
Let all the things you mean to me
Come tumbling out my mouth
Indeed it's time to tell you why
I say it's infinitely true

SAY YOU'LL STAY
DON'T COME AND GO
LIKE YOU DO
SWAY MY WAY
YEAH I NEED TO KNOW
ALL ABOUT YOU

And there's no cure, and NO WAY TO BE SURE
Why everything's turned inside out
Instilling so much doubt
It makes me so tired - I feel so uninspired
MY HEAD IS BATTLING WITH MY HEART
MY LOGIC HAS BEEN TORNED APART
And now it all turns sour
Come sweeten every afternoon

FRUITLESS FATALISTIC SPECULATION

2004-08-11T20:48:00.000+08:00

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(Finally, I finished watching Amelie!)

FATE AND DESTINY

She has always played with these windmills. She is a mind-game fanatic. Charge it to her biopsychosocial makeup? Ironically, she has recently drawn out a conclusion from games against the 2 windmills-- she will never, ever win.

Her mind played ethnographer. Visions from her consciousness and traced subconscious came streaming.

Miggy and Sofia at the beach... the condo at Taft... chicken skin... 48 Laws of Power... Latin and Spanish phrases...

Lies. Fabricated signs created to hold on longer unto some people she should have let go of before losing them in vain. Cosmic pseudo-clues that brought her closer to artificial destiny and deeper rusty mechanized fate.

They took her away from the norms of reality.

And so, with her actions, fate struck back. From a distance, her destiny looks bleaker than before she played God and deviously intervened.

She lost them. If she loses another one, she will pobably get lost, too.

She's a product of her lies.

But were everything just lies?

What about Viktor Frankl, the Juddha incident, the Taco shop and the batcave? They're all real! Everything did happen! (One still exists.)

What is she to do now?

The windmills' vengeance takes a little too long... A little too long-- the oxymoron of eternal chances.

She's tired. She's a life outside the idiot box.

She is not Mademoiselle Poulain.

REMEMBERING FRITZ

2004-08-09T21:40:00.000+08:00

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"I am not in this world to live up to your expectations, and you are not in this world to live up to mine. You are you and I am I, and if by chance we find each other, it is beautiful. If not it can't be helped."

-Fritz Perls

I guess it will be like the final sign that I CAN FALL MADLY IN LOVE WITH NO END. No fears, no pretentions, no promises... just an effortless state of being consumed mentally, intimately and passionately. HE IS THE ONE.

Just a thought.

Damn question.

JUST A BREATHER

2004-08-09T01:02:00.000+08:00

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I just came back from Zambales. My body still hurts. I slipped and fell flat on my butt when we went up Mt. Palis. Dum-bi-dum-bi-dum.

SURVEY FROM BULLETIN BOARD

1. What is it about you that people don't really notice?
- I am strong, but it doesn't mean I can't break. I'm only human!

2. What do people commonly mistake you for?
- A bad person with an ugly heart. =`( Hehe I think people think that I'm mataray/masungit/suplada. They're right. =)

3. Are you insecure?
- At least once a week. =p

4. Do you think you're attractive?
- No.

5. Do you find it easy to trust people?
- No.

6. Do you have a really big secret?
- Yes.

7. If yes, how many people have you told
about it?
- 5 of my closest friends

8. How do you get mad?
- I do a lot of things, shout, shriek, throw things, rant, scream, chain smoke, drink til I get wasted, throw some more things, punch the wall, punch anything- anyone near me...

9. What do you do when you're bored?
- Write, read, check websites

10. Do you enjoy doing nothing?
- No.

11. Are you comfortable being alone?
- Yes.

12. Do you think watching the sunset or the stars is fun?
- Fun and romantic

13. Do you like the rain?
- On Sundays, when I'm just home and I got no plans of going else where.

14. What can you say about poetry?
- I like. =)

15. Are you a phone person?
- No.

16. Do you find it easy to express how you feel?
- Now? Hell no... it comes out naturally, when it shouldn't be doing so. Daymm this feeling.

17. What song best describes how you feel right now?
- HYP - Stars

18. What impossible thing do you want to do right now?
- Put time on fast forward so it would be November already. I want to start fishing for exit. Now? HAH! I can't do it. I won't even try. I know I can't!

19. What is missing in your life right this
moment?
- Assurance

20. Do you wish on stars?
- I haven't wished on one for more thn half a year now.

WALA LANG

2004-08-05T19:33:00.000+08:00

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GUSTO NI SARA NG ASO.

Bawat taon, kasing aga pa lang ng Mayo ay sumusulat na siya kay Santa para siya ay mabigyan ng aso sa Pasko. Taon taon naman siyang nireregaluhan ni Santa.

Bawat taon ay binibigyan siya ng pusa.

Lumipas ang walong taon at walong pusa na rin ang mayroon si Sara. Naiinis na s'ya. Naguguluhan. Ano kaya ang problema sa utak ni Santa? Dyslexic kaya siya? Hindi na 20/20 vision? Ang gusto niya ay aso, hindi pusa.

Kahit ayaw ni Sara sa mga pusa, inalagaan niya ng mabuti ang mga binigay sa kanya. Nakikipaglaro siya sa mga ito at pinapakain ng masarap. Hindi niya pinabayaan ang mga ito na magkasakit o maligaw.

Alam ng mga pusa na mahal sila ni Sara kahit na lagi niyang sinasabi na ayaw niya sa mga pusa. Iniisip nila na kung dumating ang panahon na bigyan ni Santa si Sara ng aso, papalayasin kaya sila nito? Pero malabo iyon. Marahil walang mahanap na aso si Santa sa North Pole.

Hindi pa rin sumusuko si Sara, ngunit malapit na rin siyang humantong dito. Hindi talaga niya maintindihan si Santa. Sa ika-siyam na taon ng paghahangad niya sa regalo, sumulat siyang muli kay Santa.

--------------------
June 2004

DEAR SANTA,

Hello!

Thank you po sa mga pusa na binigay niyo sa akin. Mababait naman po silang lahat, kahit na minsan magugulo sila at papansin. Pero Santa... parang hindi niyo po yata nabasa ng maayos yung mga sulat ko sa inyo dati. sana po sa darating na Pasko, bigyan niyo po ako nung regalo na gusto ko talaga. Mabait naman po akong bata. Pangako po, aalagaan at mamahalin ko po yung ibibigay niyo sa akin!

SANTA, GUSTO KO PO NG ASO!

Arf arf po. Hindi po meow meow.

Thank you.

Love,
Sara
--------------------

Sa isang panig ng mundo, mayroon pang isang liham para kay Santa.

--------------------
DEAR SANTA,

Hi!

Mahigit sampung taon ko na po na hinihingi sa inyo na ibigay ako sa isang batang mabait. naging mabait naman po akong aso. Bakit niyo po ako binibigay sa mga batang sutil at pasaway? Sana po, sa darating na Pasko, ibigay niyo na po ako sa batang mabait at mapagmahal.

Promise Santa, hindi ko po siya kakagatin.

Love,
Jonathan the Dog
--------------------

Dumating ang ikatlong linggo ng Disyembre.

Nagising si Sara sa dis-oras ng gabi dahil may narinig siyang kumakaluskos. Sinundan niya ang kakaibang tunog. Nanggagaling sa paanan ng Christmas tree! May nakita siyang malaking kahon na may pangalan niya. "Hindi pa Pasko. Bakit may regalo na ako agad?" inisip niya.

Binuksan niya ang kahon.

"Arf arf! Arf arf!"

Wow!!! Aso!!! Aso talaga! Hindi pusa na nagpapanggap na aso! Aso talaga! Yipeeeee! Yehey! Sa wakas naintindihan siya ni Santa!

Agad niyang sinubukang kargahin ang aso.

Kinagat ng aso si Sara sa daliri.

"Arrrraaaaayyyy!!!"

Tinignan niya ang aso.

Tinignan rin siya ng aso.

Sa pakiramdam ni Sara, ayaw sa kanya ng pinakahihintay niyang regalo.

Nakita niya na may liham na nalaglag mula sa kahon. Binasa niya ito kaagad.

--------------------
DEAR SARA,

Ho! Ho! Ho!

Alam ko naguguluhan ka dahil hindi pa Pasko ay ibinigay ko na ito sa iyo.

Hindi malabo ang mga mata ko. Alam ko na matagal mo nang gusto ng aso. Pero, pero, pero! Alam ko na dapat mo muna maranasan mag-alaga ng pusa. Pero, sige dahil ikaw ay mabait na bata, ito na si Jonathan. Pangako mo di'ba na kapag binigyan kita ng aso eh aalagaan mo siya at mamahalin? Huwag mong kakalimutan iyon!

LOVE,
SANTA

P.S. Kung mapag-isipan mo na ayaw mo pala sa kanya, ibalik mo na lang siya sa akin. Ibibigay ko na lang siya sa ibang bata. Iwan mo siya sa Christmas tree at kukunin ko siya sa December 25.
--------------------

Tinignan muli ni Sara ang aso.

Nagtago ang aso sa likod ng Christmas tree.

ELIZABETH

2004-08-04T20:15:00.000+08:00

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Elizabeth is scared beyond imagination of what reality might just do to her.

Little by little, the codes are constituting an interpretation foreign to her logic.

Signs are flying out of nowhere, defining a fate of subjective epiphany. Blocks of possibilities are coming to break her long kept fundamentals or maybe, reconstruct her brushed off sensitivity.

She sought help from Enid.

"It's all or nothing. What am I going to do?"

Enid said, "Expect nothing."

To do what was said was more difficult that what was uncited. It's a battle between should and could, of necessity and desire.

She rehearsed her goodbye. It was harder and more bitter than any tangible pill.

Her thoughts raced from counting stars to opposing standards to answered dreams to crashing waves... She has known them all because she had felt them all.

Her goodbye would never be said.

She's bound to follow what was not told.

TINA WHACKED MY HEART

2004-08-02T17:04:00.000+08:00

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This came from my beautiful sister, Tina.

During what women believe to be the start of a
budding romance, certainty about where the
relationship is going is never questioned. To
us, "it's in the bag" without necessarily saying
this out loud.

He calls, he tells me, he misses me, asks me
out
often, is relentlessly sweet and thoughtful. I
am always on cloud nine and unapologetically
unable to wipe the grin off my face. I am in
love with him and although he hasn't said so
yet, I am sure he loves me back.

Herein lies the tragedy.

With men, until he hasn't asked you to be his
girlfriend, you are not on safe ground. No
matter how few the minutes are between his
text
messages or his phone calls, even if he has
tried to hold your hand, carefully pick off the
eyelash from under your eye, and wipe the
crumb
that was perched on your upper lip, assume
that
he just wants to be friends. Assume otherwise
and you'll be in for a great big heartbreak. I
am not trying to build a community of skeptics
andcynics through this column but to warn all
the women out there to tread the waters
carefully before jumping in. I am your willing
guide in your journey through the abyss of
relationship. I have been the confidante of so
many men all these years that I know how their
minds work. I know what they'll do next. I know
what they want...because they tell me.

Men are almost formulaic- especially those
who
have remained single after 25. When faced
with
the same given in the same situation, no matter
where they come from, they will all do the
same
thing.

Enter the questions women love to ask: (1)
Why
hasn't he called me the past few days?
(2) IF HE LIKES BEING WITH ME SO MUCH,
WHY DOESN'T HE LEAVE HIS GIRLFRIEND
FOR ME?
As much as we
would like to fall back into thinking that men
are idiots and need a little shove into the
right direction, I advise you to please keep
your hands where they are. Do not text, call or
make a bigger fool of yourself. There is just
one answer to all three questions:
HE DOESN'T LOVE YOU ENOUGH.:(

Let's take each situation one at a time. He
hasn't called you the past few days... Women
will immediately assume that something's
wrong.
His cellphone is off, he is sick, he got into an
accident, he's upset with me etc. We spend
hours
trying to think of what could possibly be
preventing him from calling us. Once we come
up
with the most logical answer, e.g. he is sick,
we decide to text him. We say to
ourselves, "okay lang for me to text him, at
least he'll think that I care about him and that
I'm thoughtful. Plus, once lang naman to e.
After this, i'll never initiate texting." More
brazen women ould come right out, all the guy
and ask, "Why haven't you called me?"
Whenever
my women friends tell me they did this, I
visibly cringe and have to stop myself from
hitting them over the head.

You see, men's initial feelings for a woman are
not usually carved in stone. How they feel
about
you is very much like writing on the sand. You
have to be careful so that they don't change
their minds about you. My guy friends who
confide in me (voluntarily) have the same facial
statement when they tell me about the girl who
asked them that question, "Why haven't you
called me?" They look like they have the
heebie-
jeebies.

They freak out and are this close to
complaining
about this. They haven't called you because
they
don't feel like it. They might feel like it
later but at the moment they don't so they
won't. They are aware you exist and don't need
you to remind them about it. They will let your
first call go this time but already, they are
leaning toward " not feeling like calling you"
on a long-term basis. Do you want that? I don't
think so. They also tell me that men are
entitled to change their minds the way women
do.
They are also flaky and "not sure" all the time,

HE HASN'T LEFT HIS GIRLFRIEND FOR
YOU.
Sometimes men are looking for icing on the
cake in the form of a woman friend who plugs
in
all the gaps that his better half cannot fill.
She is usually somebody with slightly different
qualities than his mate. He enjoys being with
her, calls her all the time, consults with her
about life-altering decisions but does not
really come out and make a decision about
who
he
wants to be with simply because he is in
a "safe
place." He has the best of both worlds and
doesn't need to make a choice.
IF HE HASN'T LEFT HER FOR YOU YET,
CHANCES ARE, HE WON'T. :( :(

Telltale signs: she is still his priority. When
she calls and asks him to pick her up, he
hurriedly finishes his meal and tells you that
he has to go. When you ask him out on days
when
he has to take her home, he'll say he can't. You
notice that you are only together when his
schedule permits it and when seeing you
doesn't
conflict with his time with her. You get the
crumbs. This kind of arrangement only tells you
that he doesn't love you enough to forsake his
girlfriend for you. If he takes a chance by
leaving her for you, you're sure that he loves
you.

Most men would stay with the safe, the tried
and
tested over risking everything. It takes a lot
for them to, believe me. Obviously, you don't
want to be second best or the pangtawid-
gutom.

Find someone who will make you his only
priority. Although they pretend and seem
otherwise, men are not idiots when it comes to
matters of the heart. They know full well what
they want out of the relationship. They do not
need to be rescued by you. They don't need
hints, carefully crafted text messages or
highway billboards that promise them a bed of
roses with you. If they really like you, they
will do anything to get you to like them back.
You just have to sit there and wait for your
nails to dry.

Trust me. I can get enough signatures from the
creeps to validate this.

A really wise girl once told me:
"Love like you've never been hurt,
Dance as if no one's watching?
Make friends as if you've never had foes.
Play like an MVP even if you're all alone."
Hmmm? makes sense.

HE DOESN'T LOVE YOU ENOUGH...

OR MAYBE, HE DOESN'T LOVE YOU AT ALL.

"When you've found that person you want to spend the rest of ur life with, you want the rest of ur life to begin right away."